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Confused

5 replies

VL1234 · 18/02/2019 14:14

Hi
I'm confused and need a bit of advice.
I broke up with my husband of 8 years 3 months ago due to years of emotional abuse, I'm okay with that and coping really well, think I spend majority last year detaching myself and I'm fine, no regrets. However, prior to meeting him I had a female friend who I had a emotional / physical connection with and we've stayed in contact on and off when we have not been happy, leaving each other to get on with our lives, my friend is now out as a lesbian, in the new year she contacted me and said she was single, we met up and had a really nice time then all of a sudden she said she wanted to be alone and next thing I know she's back with her ex girlfriend, I moved on myself and met someone female and had a few dates but turns out she's too needy and blows hot and cold so I ended it, I contacted my friend last week and just so happens again she's currently single again after a row with her ex girlfriend, we meets up for a drink, she said she'd like to see me take it slow, no pressure etc she's now away for a few days we've been texting lots and today she says she's still feelings her ex, (who altogether she's been with 5-6 months) including several break ups in that time, but would still like to see me, I just don't know what to do, I feel a but coming up.....
Prior to my marriage we was on and off but never in an exclusive relationship as our children were all little, fast forward 10 years their grown up now, why do we gravitate back to each other then one of us pulls the plug, and I'm left feeling like I'm hanging ?
I've done this to her before as well but we've never both been totally single whereas we are now or is she not, Her ex girlfriend is abusive also to her.

OP posts:
something2say · 18/02/2019 16:46

Hmm. Maybe she was a transition friend for you?
At the end of the day, even tho same-sex, perhaps also on off, something and nothing?
If a man I'd been on off with wasn't looking like he'd choose me someday for definite, I'd love on.
I guess that's my advice. Good luck!

VL1234 · 18/02/2019 17:12

I don't understand why if she didn't want us to be an item she keeps coming back to me! But then I don't understand when she can have me she goes back to an abusive ex! She's been texting saying really intense things then today she's gone cold again saying she's still feeling for ex even though she knows it's wrong as she's hurt her and screwed her over big time but she still wants to see me. Maybe I'll just back off and give her some space. Just not going to be messed about again so if she decides against it again then I'll be done as I'm not being anyone's back up.
I met a lovely girl recently but there was a significant age gap and we were on different paths and I had quite a few red flags which I'm glad I can now recognise.

OP posts:
something2say · 18/02/2019 18:00

She's not free, whatever the reason. She could've been, but she chose to go back...
I'd take that as red....

VL1234 · 18/02/2019 18:07

She's not said she's gone back yet but this is the usual patten. I guess I'll know Friday if she wants to meet when she comes back 🙄seems she doesn't want me but want no one else to have me either !

OP posts:
VL1234 · 18/02/2019 19:32

Well I've had confirmation now she just wants to be friends but she needs me in her life coz she misses me but feelings get in the way so I can't be in her life wtf 😡basically she's going back to ex

OP posts:
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