DP says he doesn't love me.

[CutAndBlowDry]

Six months together and it seemed to me that we were both in love. Never said but always inferred in the way we behave and the things we say on an daily basis. It was a committed, close, very loving relationship where I felt loved.

During of those late-night chats after a few drinks, I asked him if he loved me (as we'd never said it) and he said "no" without any hesitation.

I am questioning my own sanity now for so badly misreading the signals and also because I can't work out what he's doing with me if he doesn't love me. Surely you know after six months if you love someone or not? I knew I loved him about 3 or 4 months in, and while I never said it I think I showed it and got the same back from him so assumed we were on the same page.

Of course there was lot of explanations and reasons given (he thinks he emotionally stunted from past hurts, he thinks he is scared of being vulnerable). All of it just sounded like white noise because I think you really either love someone or you don't. I feel just horrible thinking back over the last few months where I am some idiot wandering around thinking one thing and really it was another.

To make it even more confusing, he wants to "work it out" and get through whatever issue he is having. I am just more confused by that because why would you want to work at a relationship problem if you don't even love the person? Surely you just go and find someone you do love.

I am not really sure what I am asking for in posting but maybe just feeling so humiliated and rejected and worthless today because the person who knows me best and sleeps next to me most nights and shares my good days and bad days doesn't feel love for me, and that's something I can't say to anyone IRL because I'd just be too embarrassed.

To make it worse, DP was a great DP in every sense, and I haven't got anything bad to say about him, which further aggravates how crap I feel about the fact that his heart didn't fathom any love for me because it's not like I can blame him for being a bad person or a bad judge of character. He just doesn't love me.

I've ended the relationship because I can't have a partner who doesn't love me but I feel a bit today like I am (a) completely unlovable and (b) completely mad - I mean, how did I misread my own life in this way?

Has anyone ever been through anything like this?

I think the dishonesty is the main problem.
I wouldn’t be cozy and loving towards someone that I didn’t think I could or would want to be with properly.
It’s like it’s a computer game, just playing the fantasy. But the reality is something that they don’t want.

I would rather someone said they just wanted a shag some affection and someone to have dinner with every now and again. At leadt that would be honest.

Yeah I agree that's the part of it that's the worst. I think if you want a friend with benefits then you should find a consenting one rather than making your girlfriend one without her knowing

I think you've done the right thing here, and we have all seen a "lopsided" relationship, where one is way more into the other, than vice versa and it seldom is healthy or goes anywhere good.

I'm sorry, but just chalk it down to experience, stop trying to rationalise it, feelings of being in love isn't something we control. As much as it hurts, he's not feeling it, so move on, and f8nd someone who will love you as much as you love them.

@Bluntness100
I don’t disagree with you. But sometimes when it’s endless then you start to wonder what’s going on with the world.
Is it just men of a certain age, is it just men online dating, is it just the only men left who are available over 40.

I know lots of people 10 years younger who don’t seem to encounter this weird 40s phenomenon

I think analysing it a bit has helped me to cope better with it. Took me a while to realise it was a common thing and not to take it as something I had done /not done.

I agree people either fall in love with you or not, but it's only in this time of my life that I have ever been confused or blindsided about which was which.

Thanks all so much, venting and getting a bit of support has really helped.

Luckily you only invested a few months. You did the right thing. You deserve a better man, one who will be more in sync with you and where you can enjoy the honey moon period on the same level. Good luck

My BF of 11 months has just ended it with me and he also never said he loved me.

Yet his actions were screaming that he did. He said he was just not 100% convinced the relationship would work which held him back from developing his feelings. He said he's unsure he's made the right decision and believes he will live to regret it.

Long and short of it... he wasn't ready for love and the commitment of a relationship, no matter how well we fit together. He needs time on his own to figure out his own head.

While I'm really hurt now, it's the right thing and if we're meant to be, we'll both be ready at the same time at some point in the future. I'm not naive enough to sit around expecting that to happen and will move on with my life as if he won't come back.

If a guy isn't ready, he isn't ready. I think you're right not to hang around, although I can see how the dating other people angle like the PP would work. Mine was thinking the same at 6 months and I wish we'd not got back together at that point.

Timing is everything.