I know men find it a little more difficult as they age....but is it the same for women too?

[TeaCakesRus]

I'm 41 - divorced 9 years but dated in between. Life is busy and there have been times where I just want to have a bubble bath put my pj's on, eat chocolate watching a chic flick alone. Also had times where I have enjoyed dressing up, meeting new people, enjoying male company dating. No matter what I have always had a sexual desire. However, it's disappeared. I know medication can impact on this. Not on medication. I ask because its not just that, its everything. I have absolutely no emotion. It's horrible. I can't think what has happened to me.

Fab!!! Hope you feel a little better for it too.

And yes, it's easy to get caught up in it all when you've no one to talk to.

I had a bit of this when I was going through psychotherapy with Rape Crisis. I have reynauds in a finger, where it goes numb if I get too cold? It felt like that happened to my mind too. Like I was a bit...dead? I think it was disassociation because the psychotherapy was traumatic, dredging up my rape from when I was 11 years old. Awful. I honestly thought I was losing it too! But I started to use Headspace to try 'reconnect' with my body, I used the free sessions first and then paid for it for a couple of months. It worked. By connecting with my body as a physiological being my mind kind of jolted back to me. I hope you get this sorted. it's a terrible feeling!

PlumPorter I do thankyou. I finished my tea and it started to rain. It was like that little amount of time was meant for just that.
Readytorewind I'm so sorry to hear you have been through such a traumatic time. Thankyou. Do you know what, I tell people to use all these techniques. Mindfulness being one and not once told myself the same. It is definitely like I have disconnected from myself. I'm so glad I posted here today.

I'm glad you posted too because now I know what's wrong with me too . I'm " stuck " too . Mostly my emotions recently are just low or sad or lonely . Zero Desires.

I'm going to unstick myself now for 25 mins and do some work until lunchtime.

If you really shower and put on make-up but feel as if you are doing it to someone else then it sounds as if you are suffering depersonalisation. Hopefully, as you work in mental health, you should have an understanding of what that is and that it is serious.

However, I am surprised that you are still managing to function with daily tasks if you are suffering with remoteness from yourself.

In your situation I would seek help now so your mental welfare doesn't further deteriorate.

Thanks for this thread OP and all the helpful replies, I am totally 'stuck'. I relate to EVERYTHING you describe. I am 48 and went through the menopause at 43, I can only attribute it to that.

I am a different person, just going through the motions.

Beautiful DD, stable situation etc... no joy. I am very isolated though. I think (hope) I hide it well.

I really do think that just simple, easy, little self care acts are the way to become unstuck. I don't give myself anything major to do - I've just cleaned the upstairs doors/doorframes because I felt motivated to do so as a result of this thread.

I'm back on the sofa again now... but not for long!

Little acts to 'unstick' you - even if it is shortlived - it's all little steps in the right direction!

Plumporter you are wise and I will bear this all in mind!

I have loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen and I'm about to make a curry for me and DD and will have a nice bath tonight...

Thanks to this thread!

Haha, thanks, Wendy. Not wise, just well practised...

cantstopeating01 hope you manage to feel less stuck today.
CoolJule43 I didn't know too much about it, however I have been researching it. It's very much like how I feel. I also have a feeling I know why. I have struggled with the course but about 2 months ago I became very emotional - to the point I couldn't control myself, breaking point so to speak. I didn't want to finish the course, I was nervous about starting my management placement and it turned into anxiety to the point I thought my throat was closing - a physical reaction from my anxious feelings. I was drained and took time off. Over Christmas I spent time with my dc's and mentally took myself away from it all.
My research this morning explains that my body has now naturally acted to this episode by putting me in this state of mind (depersonalisation). What I have read makes sense to me. It is usually triggered my anxiety. It explains the functioning on autopilot and the feeling of detachment from myself. I was only sat in work a few days ago thinking to myself (at a point I would usually feel nervous about a procedure) where are those nervous feelings gone. Nothing seems to phase me.
WendyCope I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too. It's an awful feeling. I long to feel excited about something. I often feel guilty as I am so so lucky. I'm annoyed at myself for not feeling the feeling I should be for appreciating life because I know I truly do.
PlumPorter yes you are right and this is what I believe too.
WendyCope I am glad this post has helped people today, it has me. It's good to be able to be open as it's exhausting going through the motions and putting on a face to others. I mowed my lawn and sat outside enjoying 10 minutes of fresh air before the rain. We do have to push ourselves to become unstuck. We all have to sometimes. I just long to feel the emotions that come with that movement.

I'm on the other side of fifty now and very much in peri-menopause. I still have sexual desire - it's somewhat less than it was but definitely still there. The two times my libido has truly crashed was after my first child was born and when I became depressed in my mid-forties. Loss of libido was one of the early signs. Others followed. Eventually I went on Sertraline, but only for about 12 months.

I was functioning but I felt dead inside. I had no interest in anything and simply went through the motions, as you mention you are doing. Sometimes trying to power through isn't going to work. Don't let it get too bad, is all I'm saying. Medication has its place and it really helped me when I needed it.

OP - thank you for writing this post and to all those who replied. I am exactly in this situation and all the replies have given me some focus & food for thought. Again, I know I should do things for self care but am too tired all the time with little or no joy in anything no matter how hard I try. Time to take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. Thank you all

I'm finding this thread so inspirational.
Thank you again Teacakes. You are so definitely not alone .
I'm finished work now and I'm off home to cook a dinner and unstuck myself .
Plum I was looking at my doorframes and thinking the so need to be cleaned .
Sitting room needs a vacuum too so think will do that .
I'm peri menopause too so it must be a thing.

I often wonder how my poor mum felt at this stage . Looking back From what I remember can see she became anti social and introverted. I was away then I'm sorry now I didn't see her more at that stage of her life . Sadly she died so I can't ask her what it was like for her . Sometimes be nice to sit and talk about all this with her .

Hope we all unstick ourselves a little today .
Op thinking of you

MiddleAgeDaze I'm glad you found something that worked for you. I have been doing exactly that, pushing through. I think I have crashed emotionally. I know people who have taken medication and it has worked. The side effects worry me.
Mummacake I am so glad it has helped. It's so good to talk and feeling like you are not alone helps.
cantstopeating01 thankyou, that means alot. Aw bless you
I was chatting to the lady that cleans the hospital ward only a couple of days ago as she cleaned the door frames, I asked if she cleaned so well at home and she laughed, 'nope' she said. We both laughed and I said I really feel I should now. Now I have been reading these posts today, I feel I need to have a spring clean. Another feeling I have lost, the feeling after a good clean. I would like that feeling back too. On my next day off I'm going to try to push myself a little more. I can't believe how much I took 'feeling' for granted.

I've made myself a list of things I want to do this week - it's half term so I'm home all week.

It's a combination of jobs I need to do and things I want to do. If I don't get them all done, that's fine, they'll keep!

But I find a list is really motivating when trying to 'unstuck' yourself!