Sexless 5 year relationship

[Cassie2012]

Me and my partner have been together five years. He’s 45 I’m 27 (that may shock you but Im an old bird in a young woman’s body, and he looks in his thirties)

I’m on my second degree and in my second year studying for a degree in social work.
We live in his house (it’s his mortgage he bought it years before we got together ) and we have jointly gutted the place and added on thousands to its valued price)

I’ve worked full time, then part time once I got back into my studies and contribute evenly to everything

As you all probably know everything was great 2 years in. Friendship, sex etc

He cheated with a girl from his work (set up over email by one of his “friends” that had been to our home!

He got his hair cut, bought new clothes lied about where he was going and took this girl on dates. I eventually found out through his laptop (niggling suspicion) and confronted him he denied it until I told him I had seen everything
This man has asked me before he went out on one of his “dates” wether he “looked okay” as he was supposed to be going out with some of the boys (I eventually found out he was going to meet her.

Fast forward 4 months I forgave him as I am a believer in second chances and it’s just never been the same.

I’m not happy with him but really can’t afford to move out and support myself on a part time wage as a full time student.

We have slept together maybe 5 times in the last year and I find myself thinking should I just sleep with someone too ease the pain and bitterness I feel? I know it probably wouldn’t make me feel better in the long run but I’m not sure where to go from here

I have a mentally unstable mother I couldn’t wait to get away from so wouldn’t be able to live with her.

I’ve Approached him more times than I care to remember about the intimacy and I get a blank expression, I’ve talked about therapy, counselling. He went twice and then gave it up.

Reading through this I know the answer most of you are going to say.

But weird as it sounds, part of me does love him. We’ve made a home, out families know each other well and we have a wonderful dog whom we both adore

I’m not sure wether I am even asking a question but I’m really miserable at the minute and just can’t see a way out

Does anyone have any comforting words of support or guidance?

I just need another human to tell me it’s going to be okay

Thanks x

It WILL be ok
Maybe not for the next few months but eventually it will be. He's a boring cheating old fart and you can do SO MUCH better

You can do it.

You will be OK - maybe not tomorrow but sooner than you think - but you do need to leave and move on somehow. Life is just too short to let someone treat you like that.

If someone cheated on me I wouldn't be able to trust them again. It's a conscious decision he made and its left you feeling like a crap. I would sum up the pros and cons of the relationship and think about maybe meeting someone else... Good luck

Thankyou guys, i really needed to hear this I think a lot of it is to do with self worth and confidence

Even though there are pets of me that love him, I just can’t seem to get over him cheating. I can’t get past it

Maybe that’s why we don’t have sex
Or maybe it’s why we barely talk and are quite passive aggressive to each other.
I think I need to try to hold onto I have finished my degree and can support myself financially

But for another 18 months living in this miserable situation is really really hard and draining

Start looking after yourself. It may not take 18 months so don't get too far ahead of yourself. You're in a bad situation now but you don't have to be in it forever.

You are worth so much more.

Why is student accommodation not possible? Or go part-time and get a job?

I could not live with someone that unpleasant.

Don't waste more of your 20s with this loser.

What happened to your first degree?

Please don't waste years of your life chasing a qualification.

Can you find a cheap room to rent in a house? Do you have a career development loan?

Have you tried getting a room in a shared flat or just advertising for one; get on and do it, I can't believe he was asking you how he looked when about to go on a date! You are wasting your time on the old fart; you are 27, get out and make a life for yourself, he will do it again, you know he will, there's nothing there.