Struggling with the seriousness of dating in my 30s

[BlueFurStole]

I've never had a boyfriend and now have the double whammy of age and inexperience to try and contend with.

I don't know how to do any of it. I am shit at small talk and pretty hopeless in social situations unless I know someone really well.

I really want a relationship, but I don't necessarily want a husband. So many girls my age seem to be engaged within eighteen months and married in two/three years. I was listening to my friends last night and they were all saying how they'd kissed a lot of frogs, they'd worked out what they like and don't like and how they do want to settle down quickly.

I've not done any of that and yet I am also terrified of having sex and being dumped. I don't want that either.

I had a few dates with a man at Christmas time but I felt that once I told him how little experience I have, he seemed to assume we'd be quite a serious couple. Do you think that was me self sabotaging?

Do you enjoy sex? Or is it something you feel you have to do in order to keep a partner interested?

I've never held anyone's hand, never mind been sexually active.

Most people find dating and social situations akward so just power on through it as best you can. Now you’ve had a few dates it will hopefully get easier.

I’d not plan it out too much at this stage. When you find someone who you like and have been on a few dates with let them know you’re inexperienced and that you will be waiting until you feel safe in the relationship before becoming physically intimate. Don’t choose when you’re going to feel comfortable sleeping with someone before you’ve even met them, you’ll know when it’s right. Oh and don’t forget that are lots of ways of being sexual other than pvi, you can have lots of fun taking it slowly. Give lots of feedback to your partner!

You don’t mention why you’ve held off having sex but you might want to make sure you’re okay with the idea of losing your virginity.

Good luck!

I am 30 and feel the same. I have had a very very casual relationship on and off for the last 5 years but it was no more than physical stuff and weve known eachother a long time. I've never had a proper relationship and feel like I dont even know how, am also rubbish at social situations and feel like I dont have anything to say. I feel as though I wouldn't even know how to act in a serious relationship and to give someone so much time and effect over me

Ive never had a proper bf but I have had flings and conquests and trust me your doing the right thing waiting. Most men just want to use and abuse you unless their superman and they wanna save the world. But in reality a lot of relationships break down over money and sex. I dont even care about finding romantic relationships anymore the only thing I want from a man would be children. Otherwise can do bad all by myself!