Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No sex or intimacy

12 replies

CannonBall9 · 17/02/2019 20:16

That's the situation I am currently in.

I'm 27, engaged, and have a mortgage with my partner. To the outside world we look normal, but behind closed doors...not much is going on.

The last time we had sex was Christmas Day, and before that it was October. My sex drive is not especially high, but the lack of even some intimacy is starting to get me down. He sometimes wants hugs, but that's it.He has a very low sex drive, though he didn't used to. He's not interested, and is quite unfit generally, and on the rare occasions we have penetrative sex he finds it hard to finish, and usually gets too tired after 2-3 minutes. He also has to make quite an effort to stay up if you catch my drift. He's not interested in much foreplay and is anxious he will go soft.

I do not nag him, as I don't think that's the correct way to handle things. I do very occassionally bring it up, and he says 'we can do it tomorrow', Never happens.

I have suggested the GP, he says he's fine and doesn't need to go.

I've tried to explain how I feel about it. I must admit it does make me feel undesired and unloved - I don't even need penetrative sex, as there are other ways to have a sexual/romantic relationship. But it falls on deaf ears. He wants to spend his evenings on his Xbox.

It doesn't help that we don't sleep in the same bed - he has snoring issues and it creates a bad night for the both of us.

I do feel trapped. I feel I've had to accept certain things just aren't going to happen. I don't think we could conceive a child if we were TTC.

Is/ Has anyone else been in this position, and what did you do to resolve it?

OP posts:
ThankYouNext19 · 17/02/2019 20:20

I wouldn’t be happy with this set up. If this is a dealbreaker for you then you need to sit him down and tell him he either gets help for his issues or you need to break off your engagement and he should leave. You have zero intamacy and your self esteem is plummeting, you shouldn’t be feeling this at such an exciting time in your life your engaged to be married. I don’t think he’s the one for you.

NotTheFordType · 17/02/2019 20:20

What did he do to solve the snoring issue?

CannonBall9 · 17/02/2019 20:21

@NotTheFordType sleeps in another room

OP posts:
SparklySneakers · 17/02/2019 20:25

Ie nothing

Sunnydays78 · 17/02/2019 20:29

He sounds like he’s depressed could that be the case?

SparklySneakers · 17/02/2019 20:30

OP this is no way to live. My ex had probable sleep apnoea but I ended it before he went to his hospital appointment. If he ever went. He was obese and struggled with ED and would struggle to finish. He was early 40s and I wouldn't expect it at that age let alone in a blokes 20s. I'd expect anyone with an issue affecting their relationship to get help. The snoring, low libido abs ED could be linked. He needs to see his GP but if he wont then you need to consider if this is how you want to live your life.

SparklySneakers · 17/02/2019 20:36

Oh and the Xbox? When I was on OLD I wouldn't entertain gamers having been married to a gamer and in a LTR with a gamer. Gaming took priority over sex yet my exH would complain bitterly we didn't have sex! I dumped the other guy in part over the Xbox. And the snoring, unhealthy lifestyle and general apathy. He was another one with ED. Again obese, probable sleep apnoea but refused to do anything about it. Set your bar higher Thanks

Sadiesnakes · 17/02/2019 20:41

So many of these posts... Excessive porn use is usually the issue.

Shy2 · 17/02/2019 20:50

I'm in a simular situation no sex or cuddles we have two kids and I am basically a carer as he has bad eyesight and is legally blind he is the breadwinner having his own company but I do all the housework cooking etc and work part time and am the main care giver of the kids yep I'm trapped good and proper if I ever left him I'd break my kids hearts as he would go down hill I could cope with all this but recently his behavior is cruel and he favours the youngest over the older son and plays mind games I'm breaking inside but no one will understand and he said well have to sell the house or I'll have to move out we've been together 16 years but aren't marrief

GlenPonder · 17/02/2019 20:59

Ditch him like the tepid potato he is. You've got a whole life ahead of you and you deserve to be fucked.

Shy2 · 17/02/2019 21:24

Also I wish someone had told me think hard this prob isn't for you, it's much harder when you have a house and kids choose your future wisely your engaged not married yet, it's time to put you first noone else will look after your self

SpanishTiles · 17/02/2019 21:30

Xbox every night and shit to no sex? You really want to sign a legally binding contract with this? This is the best you can expect for the best years of your life.

Be brave. Take the leap and free yourself!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page