How do you split finances?

[Bumblebee27]

I'm sure his is a topic that's been done to death here but....how do you split your finances with your partner?

Me and oh have been together 2 years, live together in my property. Both work full time but he earns around five times more than me. Currently we are pretty much splitting rent, household costs and shopping down the middle although I'd say I probably pay a bit more on shopping because I get all the practical bits like toilet roll and cleaning supplies that he doesn't even think about!

But when it comes to additional costs like days out, cars, holidays and so on he will pay for that. Recently had a new bathroom installed and he paid for that.

Does this seem fair? I am in no way ungrateful but I'm struggling a lot with paying half of the monthly costs because bills and food have gone up since he moved in. He also has a lot of disposable income for things he wants...recently got himself a new car which he didn't really need and is always buying new clothes and so on whereas I have basically nothing left at the end of the month for things like this. We have no joint bank accounts, no particular reason, just something we've never sorted.

Sometimes it doesn't really feel fair but then I don't like to complain because he has paid a lot out for joint things like the bathroom and our family summer holiday. How do you work these things?

We have one bank account. We both earn the same. We spend whatever on whatever. When I earned a bit less. I still spent whatever!

We have always put all money into a pot, and paid for everything out of it.

Our wages have gone up and down over time - sometimes he was earning more, sometimes me. It doesn't matter - we are a couple and so we share everything. I've never understood the idea of "you pay for this and I'll pay for that " .

I can’t see a problem with this, but then I’d never have joint finances. I wouldn’t want a lower earning partner living off my wage and if I was the lower earner I wouldn’t feel entitled to their disposable income. You said he pays for days out and other things so it seems like the discrepancy evens out

Literally everything goes into a joint account bar £100 each that we keep in our own account for random things we might want during the month.

If one of us wants to make a big purchase then it's a joint decision, e.g. a car.

There's just general understanding that we won't take the piss out of the joint account but I guess that's because we both know how much is required on all our bills etc.

We have our own accounts for us but have a joint account for all bills. My partner earns much more than so we split the bills 70% 30% so i'll put 30% in of my money per month to pay for bills. Then we have a joint savings account and a holiday account (Starling which is brilliant when abroad) for holiday spending - all online one that we'll put in money before a holiday.

We are both sensible and completely respect our set up so wouldn't dream of taking that money in our joint accounts for anything big or without chatting first.

I've been with DH almost 20 years. He's a high earner and I just have a small disability pension. We have our own bank accounts but he pays for everything. The money I get is only used on the rare occasions I'm out and he's not around.

Everything goes into a joint account. We have a joint savings account too. Everything is shared. I earn 2-3 times more than my wife. We only consult each other for out of the ordinary purchases.

I find these threads very interesting. DH earns somewhere between 4-10 x my salary (bounds dependent). I pay for the childcare, the cleaner the gardener and the council tax which eats up most of my salary. He pays for everything else; holidays, bills, school fees, big one offs. We don’t have a joint account and never have. If Im short he transfers money. We rarely discuss it. He always describes it all as ‘our’ money, therefore fairness never comes into it.

If you are living in your property, how did you pay for it before he moved in? Normally costs, apart from food, don't go up by 50%. Plus he is picking up all the incidentals and luxuries.You should be better off and got a home improvement to boot,

Are their children?

There not their

Before he moved in I got working tax and child tax credits. I have now lost all my single person benefits including things like council tax discount. He makes up most of that money with his contributions but as bills and food have gone up I'm finding I'm definitely no better off, probably worse.

We also go out more and I do like to contribute, even a small amount. It's disposable income I am struggling with, things like getting new clothes or having my hair done which didn't seem to be a problem before.

Btw I know that sounds horribly entitled like poor me I can't have my hair done, I'm not a spoilt brat I promise! It's just sometimes a bit frustrating to see how much spare he has and how much I'm struggling. Yes he covers big expensive one off costs but on a monthly basis we are basically splitting costs 50/50 and as he earns a lot more than me I'm just not sure if it's right :/

Do you have children together?
How much income did you lose compared to the gain from his contribution?

I have a child from a previous relationship. It really would be hard for me to calculate how much I've lost financially and obviously being with him is a big gain for us emotionally! I certainly wouldn't change the situation. I just don't remember being this skint when I was on my own.

I think you need to work it out as it is material to the financial well being of you and your child. If you were better off without him living there, then you need to make a decision about this based on facts. Including whether or not you make this a full partnership in all ways. That might mean discussing ownership of the house. You can't have every which way but lose.

However at the moment you don't know what this all means for you and it isn't working out financially. So sit down and do the maths. Then make a decision and ask your partner to make a fair contribution based on your mutual commitment

Why is he paying for a new bathroom on your rental property?

Sounds like you guys need a discussion.

Currently I pay all bills and DH pays all expenses. If it's uneven at any point we transfer money between ourselves. It's separate but not separate, iyswim

I think unmarried and no children then 50/50 is fair. Is there anything you can do to increase your earning potential?

We each put 2/3 of our salary into a joint account. He earns about a third more than me. All the bills, mortgages, savings, anything to do with the kids (uniforms, activities, clothes etc.), holidays, family meals out, weekly shops etc. come out of the joint account. Our own accounts are for things we’d spend on hobbies, nights out alone with friends, clothes, hair, makeup and the like. If we wanted to make a big purchase like a car or a new boiler usually half would come from the joint account and we’d each make a contribution to make sure the joint account never drops below a certain amount. We split up about 4 years ago (amicably), and we’ve continued to use this as it has always worked for us (we jointly fund both mortgages, bills etc. though we now buy our own cars!).

We maintain separate accounts (actually only recently opened a joint account, been together more than a decade). But our incomes have generally been similar so we roughly split expenses, though not meticulously. We each have joint expenses we pay each month and we each pay our ones. What’s left over stays in our separate accounts, but if ever the other needs money then whoever has the money transfers it over. That works well, but we earn about equally and have each had periods of earning less (I did a PhD, my dh started a business) and neither of us is uptight about ‘my’ money and ‘your’ money. It’s our money and we look after each other and contribute proportionately.

@Bumblebee27 I’m in a similar situation... h earns way more yet I pay half of everything he goes out to the pub buys expensive trainers etc yet I cover half the bill and buy all the dc clothes I really need to budget if I want to do anything . I don’t think it’s fair if it was the other way around I’d cover most things and make sure we were both comfortable

Me and dh been together for 20 yrs, two dds 14 & 11. We have always had separate accounts and just pay an equal percent of bills. When girls were small and I didn’t work/earn as much he paid mortgage/insurance/council tax etc and I just paid food etc and small amounts.
Now girls are older and I earn probably around 70% of what he earns I now have a car too so I pay for that and have taken back council tax and gas/electric bill and I pay 90% of girls sports fees.
It works out that we have around the same left to spend each month for ourselves

When I met DH (nearly 30 years ago) he was literally penniless. I owned my own house; he was sharing a feral flat that he wouldn't give up until just before we got married.

To start he insisted on paying half the bills but not the mortgage because the house was mine and we had a pre-nup to protect my capital.

Within two years his earnings were catching up and we moved to a new house in joint names and had a baby. He caught up and I gave up work.

Once I gave up work DH paid everything. His income grew. We have never had a joint account. I bought what we needed and put all the receipts in a box and DH wrote a cheque every month. Food, petrol, children's clothes and expenses, haircuts, towels, general needs, odd coffee and modest lunch. DH never once grumbled. Over time DH started earning a lot. When I went back to work eventually my first monthly pay packet was £700 (part-time). At that point he started giving me a monthly allowance rather than me giving him a monthly bill.

It worked because we have similar attitudes to money. I think in your shoes op I would need clearer ground rules, especially if I already had a child.

All my money goes into our joint account and everything I spend comes out of there. He puts the majority of his salary into the joint account, keeping around £200/month back to pay for his hobby, that for logistical reasons he finds easier to do out of his account, and to buy me gifts etc so I don't see them on the joint account. Neither of us are particularly big spenders so are happy with this set up. He spends more than I do as he has a reasonably pricey hobby and a more active social life than me. But then when I do go out with friends I tend to travel much further to see them and go for dinner rather than a few drinks like he will so it mostly evens out and I don't begrudge it. He's always telling me to spend more on myself anyway!! Currently our take home pay is almost identical, but this is the set up we used when I was the sole earner and he was unemployed and when he was employed and I was a student. We'll use the same set up if/when one of us goes part-time or quits work for childcare reasons.