I am going to try to be a vague as possible because If my husband saw this he would know who I am, and also, I am sure people do not want me going into graphic detail regarding my sexlife!
My Husband and I have always talked about this certain sexual fantasy, talked about it for years, then one night made the decision to go ahead and do it, before we did it we talked more about it, we agreed that we would do it once and if one or both of us did not like it we would never do it again, I was under the impression that this was something we both wanted to try.
Anyway, we did it one night, afterwards we talked about it and he told me he enjoyed it and would like to do it again, we ended up doing it a further three times, then my Husband left me one day, He went to work and didn't come home, chosing to stay with his parents.
At first he would not tell me why he left, then said that he didn't love me anymore and we were not on the same page regarding the sex thing, now he was saying he felt forced to do something he didn't want to do and he only did it because he thought it was what I wanted.
Basically a decision we both made has now been turned around onto me and I am being blamed for it all, the sad thing is there was nothing at all wrong with our sexlife to start with.
He is now telling me that he can never look at me in the same way after what we did, this is after us talking it through before we did it and me telling him I was scared he would judge me or it would change things in our relationship, I was told at that time that it would not change anything and he would rather me be open and honest about what I want sexually.
I feel like I am being punished for a decision we made together.
How do I move on from this? If I go on to meet somebody else in the future I am now scared to communicate about sex and what I like etc, I now feel like I am just going to be judged, and there will always be that fear that they will just leave me, I can now never be sure if someone wants to do something or is just going along with it to please me, I thought we went about it the correct way by talking everything through instead of just rushing into it.