Tips for working with ex

[falaff]

Hi,

Can anyone share any success stories about working with their ex? I'm still very hurt about things, and he was emotionally abusive, but my job prospects are very limited. We met at work and my contract ended, and an opportunity has now come up that I will be very sad to pass up on. I've been unemployed for a while now. It would be a case of the odd meeting and email exchange and being in the same office for one day a week.

I would really like to be able to go for it and be able to handle it and work with him, when necessary, in a professional manner. I have no interest in being friends. However it will probably make me feel crap for a while so I'm not sure.

To not go for the job solely because I would see him feels like he is still winning and I am very resentful of this - he was subtly controlling and I had to give up a lot of things due to jealousy. I have refused to give up other things (leave the city, gym, etc to make it easy for him) and it has felt quite empowering but it does bring him to my mind.

I am wondering whether this will help with my healing process through exposure - when I see him I feel crap but if this wasn't such a rare or unexpected thing maybe the effect would lessen.

Is this a terrible idea? Can anyone share their experiences?

Bit of an update. So I went into work today to volunteer and ended up working with someone right behind him. At first I thought my chest was going to explode from anxiety but I got over it in about 3 minutes and just proceeded to ignore him and focus on my work. He tried to say hi and I ignored as I was talking to other people. He looked quite shocked that I was there and it felt really good that I had zero reaction.

It felt really empowering and I didn't get upset at all. I was really surprised how easy it was and how much I didn't care. I felt more angry than sad and I felt quite sorry for him. I had no desire to talk to him or look at him... I kinda wanted a chance to tell him that he meant nothing and I didn't want to be friends but now am glad that opportunity didn't arise.

So yay, I'm going to apply to the job and go for it! I might have some shit days but I know that I can do this now!

Good for you, little chicky! Good for you!!

Sometimes we build things up in our own minds but then surprise ourselves at how awesome we really are. And you are awesome!

I predict a lot of joy in your life from now on. You've proven to yourself that he no longer has chains on your heart. Now feel that freedom!

BTW if you haven't celebrated this, you need to. I suggest a bit of boot scootin' boogie across the living room floor and then ice cream.

So I went into work toda

Seriously - wake up to yourself.

You went back to a work place to WORK FOR FREE where you ex is. If you can't see that you are driven by a desire to put yourself in contact with him you are utterly deluded.

At least try and be honest with yourself.

The best thing you could do here is put all your energies into finding a new job in a new place and a new place to give up your time for free.

This is so transparent and its really sad you either can't see it or just refuse to admit it.

He is one man of billions in the universe. There are plenty of other men and plenty of other places to work.

I seriously hope for your sake if you apply for this job that you don't get it. You don't need this in your life. It's like picking a scab. You are self harming.