How much compromise is too much?

[NCforthisoneb]

I love my DP to bits. He’s a good man, hardworking, kind, caring. But he’s a workaholic and is often so tired that we go for weeks on end without sex or quality time together. He is very affectionate though, just too tired for sex.

As I said, I love him but it’s beginning to really get me down. I feel like I’m too young (39) to spend the rest of my life with a partner whose priority is work and if we were to have kids together, I fear it would fall on me to do the bulk of the work.

On the other hand, he’s a good man and they are pretty scarce IME. Also my clock is ticking and so I’ll need to make decisions pretty sharpish if I do want kids.

WWYD?

I would move on, and very quickly. He might be a "good man", but he is not invested in your relationship. At all. Why would you even WANT to have a child with this man? You are massively wasting your time.

How much compromise is too much?

When you are compromising your core values, beliefs and needs. Reading your OP, you need a man who will be involved in raising children with you. This one won't be.

I think he would be a very loving dad and would be involved at the weekends. But just not during the week when he works 50 hours.

I think you are fooling yourself. He's a workaholic who refuses to take your needs into consideration. You barely have sex and you hardly spend any quality time together by your own admission. Don't let your yearning to have a child cloud your better judgement. He isn't attentive to you. He will NOT be attentive to a child.

He’s telling you exactly who he is with his actions. You’ve got to do what is right for you though.
Some people would love this, as you’d get lots of “you time” in a relationship.
Don’t sacrifice your principles

What aquamarine wrote. This is really who he is. He is a workaholic who will continue to put work first and foremost in his life over you, your relationship as a whole and certainly any child.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What is in this for you exactly?

Surely he needs to be involved with you before assuming his involvement with a dc??

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What is in this for you exactly?

He is very loving and caring. Is a good listener and very supportive. We go away for long weekends and quality time together every few months or so. But in between, he’s so consumed with work and I get lonely.

Some people would love this, as you’d get lots of “you time” in a relationship.

This is really true I think. Maybe I need to focus on “me time” whilst he’s busy.

If he's a workaholic now, don't be fooled into thinking he will suddenly become a devoted family man.
It doesn't really work like that.
I'm not sure what you are getting from this bloke really.

In some ways it’s like having a long distance relationship. But he wants to see me most days o we do but he is often too tired to do much more than snooze on the couch in front of the telly.

He adores his nephew (3) and is very involved in his life. So I see glimpses of the father he might be. Very loving and patient, fun and dependable.

It's very easy to "adore" a child you don't have to support and deal with every day. He gets to visit and then LEAVE.

I adored my nephew, I then had a child, I then thought oh dear God what have I done.

I was a brilliant parent before I had a child.