Looking for advice about new relationship

[Isitmeornot]

I have been seeing this guy for a few months. We don’t live far from each other, about 40 minutes. He seems like a genuinely nice person but I’m a bit unsure at the moment.

I should say I have been looking for a relationship for a while as my friends are settled and married with kids and I’d really like that too. I’ve tried online dating and it didn’t work for me and had given up when I met this guy on a work night out.

I, unfortunately, have been quite sick for the last month. I’m starting to get better now but still don’t feel myself. While sick he visited me once or twice, which was nice but my friends think he could have made more of an effort.

He then text last night after a night out looking to come back to mine but I was asleep. He’s coming over tonight and told me he’d stay. I explained that I was still in pain and not to expect anything to happen, but I was really looking forward to seeing him. He’s read the message and hasn’t replied. My friend thinks he’s only interested in sex and it’s true that each time we’ve met (except when I was ill) we’ve ended up in bed. Everything felt ok until one morning I told him I didn’t feel like sex and he sulked until I gave in. This has stayed with me and I don’t feel a 100 percent comfortable since.

I Just feel under pressure to make this work because my mother reckons it’s me. That I’ve a list that no man can live up to and I don’t give them a chance. I’m desperate to give this guy a chance to prove her wrong. In fact I’m beginning to think it’s me there’s something wrong with.

I actually don’t know what I’m looking for from this thread. Maybe some words of wisdom and/or reassurance.

Thanks for reading I didn’t mean for it to be so long.

You KNOW this man isn't the one for you, so why are you trying to convince yourself to settle? He is clearly only interested in sex, and honestly, he sounds horrid. Run a mile.

He sulked until you gave in to sex?

He then text last night after a night out looking to come back to mine but I was asleep.
He's treating you like a B&B.

Dump him like a hot brick.

If you have to ask the question...?

It's not you, it's him. The fact that he sulked like an entitled mysoginistic toddler until you gave in and had sex with him is a massive red flag. He has shown you he doesn't care about you he only cares about himself. He hasn't wanted to see you while you've been unwell and unable to service his sexual needs. He's treated you like a booty call, asking to come round only after his night out.
Ignore what your mother has said to you, having standards and not settling for a guy who treats you like shit and like you're an an option not a priority doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's a very outdated type of thinking that you have to grab the first penis with a pulse that comes along regardless of how he treats you so you don't end up "on the shelf".
Get him gone and don't lower your standards, you'll meet the right guy eventually and you'll be so glad you waited till you did.

Oh @Isitmeornot it is not you. This man is not the one for you and for as long as you try to convince yourself that these idiots are "the one" you will continue to question what went wrong when they, inevitably, end.

Sulking because he didn't get sex is ridiculous and also extremely disrespectful. End it now and move on. I know it can be difficult not to feel pressure, especially when you feel like you're getting left behind but there's no point forcing something which isn't right.

He’ll do the same tonight if you let him come round.

Your mum is a twat if she'd happily see you stay with a sexually abusive sulky twat. Bin this fucker!

Everything felt ok until one morning I told him I didn’t feel like sex and he sulked until I gave in

Run for the hills!

I think you’re too different for this to work. He has different priorities to you.

The fact you’ve had to explain that sex isn’t on the cards as you’re not good, speaks volumes.

I think your friends are right, he is using you for sex. Let him go. He isn’t worth it. He doesn’t seem to care who his Saturday shag is with, which is totally his prerogative. You seem to want more though, so kick him into touch

Thanks all. I knew it really but it’s good to hear from an objective point of view.

Stand up for yourself op.

Bin and blick for this sulky manbaby

Run, run, then run some more.

It's not you. It's him. Pressurising you into sex is vile.

Tell your mum to keep her nose out of your sex life.

It sounds like she is not your greatest supporter so has set you up to put up with this kind of shit!

You are worth so much more than a man who visits to coerce you onto sex.