Is it my place to say anything?

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

NC as outing.

Background to this is that DP and I both have difficult relationships with in laws. FIL was physically abusive during DPs childhood. This persisted as verbal abuse/general shitty behaviour. Last year FIL diagnosed with life limiting condition but not on deaths door yet. At the time DH has little contact struggled to cope when FIL moved to our town/spent more time with him/the news itself.

DP made more of an effort to repair their relationship but he always came back from visiting FIL in a horrible mood (which he would sometimes take out on me not in a big way but even so). Eventually he decided to go NC.

He dropped into conversation that he started seeing him again. At first I didn’t say anything. Eventually I asked after he mentioned it again when they started talking again to see if he wanted to talk about it but he didn’t.

I want to say something bevause the negative consequences (bad moods and the mental crisis) were so bad last time but I’m not sure I have the right to interfere with a dying man’s relationship with his only son. I feel like DP deserves closure etc but he won’t get anything but abuse from this man, he will then take it out on me/cause problems due to mental fragility. Is it none of my business?

Of course this is your business because it directly effects you. Your partner can see his father if he wants to, and clearly there's nothing you can do about that. However, you need to make it very clear that you will not tolerate a repeat of his past behaviour. You are not his emotional punching bag who he can abuse when he's at his wits end in dealing with his father. If he can't handle the emotional fallout, he either needs to stop seeing his father or get a therapist.

Well you only found out your DP was seeing his F again when he mentioned it so it appears seeing him hasn't affected your DP's moods so far

Don't anticipate problems. Just deal with them IF they arise.

@CoolJule43 if I could be sure that he could tolerate it this time then I’d be happy for him (not keastbpf all because it would be a sign that he’s made a lot of personal progress). But he’s only just made the decision and has seen him once briefly with other family (FIL tends to be better behaved in a crowd) so I can’t be sure iyswim so I don’t know what I’m supposed to do? Am I supposed to ignore it or maybe there is something I can do to make it different from last time/to make him reconsider?