How would you deal with this?

[ProjectGainsborough]

I work with a woman who keeps making snide put downs. Don’t want to be too specific, but along the lines of ‘you’re shit at your job’ / ‘no one likes you’ - delivered with a laugh, so I couldn’t possibly accuse her of being serious.

She’s very charismatic and well liked (although has few friends IRL). She’ll be absolutely lovely for a while and I’ll think she’s got over whatever it was and then - boom - I’ll get a nasty little kick. Sometimes I feel like I’m going a bit crazy.

If she was a friend I’d cut her out completely, but we work very closely together. How would you handle this? I’m crap at confrontation!

I had this once. I tried ignoring and laughing it off. One day I pulled my big girl pants up, looked her straight in the eye and, remaining perfectly calm said ' You seem to have a problem with me' she spluttered something in defence and I think said I couldn't take a joke etc. I continued ' ok this stops now ok' she never ever did it to me again

I agree with troubles. The best way to deal with a bully is to confront them .
I worked in a similar situation years ago, people tiptoed around this nasty person and advised me to do the same.
After experiencing a few snide comments, I asked her why she said what she had said...she tried to laugh it off but I didn't join in and walked away.
She was fine after that.
Horrible person.

Similar to, troubleswillbeoutofsight
I said "what's the problem? I think we need to discuss it with our boss. Shall I arrange a meeting?"
She muttered a panicky No and that was the last of it.
Stand up to bullies or report them. Don't put up with it.

Thank you for the responses! Sounds like the consensus is call her out.

It’s tricky because she always says these things in group situations, so I worry that I’ll look petty if I don’t laugh it off. But it always stings and leaves me questioning myself so I guess big girl pants are needed...

Don't call her out, return fire with fire.

You're shit at your job, .....not as shit as you, delivered with a laugh.

No one likes you.,,,that makes two of us then, delivered with s laugh

And so on. She needs to know you'll do it back and you're not an easy target, as a pp said, the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them.

Even better, call her out on her shit in public. You may be the subject of her vileness but I doubt you’re the only one who thinks her behaviour is unpleasant.

Don't call her out in any way.

When she delivers these comments, slowly and calmly get out your notebook, look at your watch, and note down directly what she said, word for word, with the date, time and all witnesses to the comment.

If she asks what you are doing say 'I have been advised to make a record of every bullying comment that is made'. And say no more.

When you have 10 comments, with witnesses - put a grievance in.

Great idea from sacrifice. My way of dealing with it would be to agree with her to wind her up. So say "oh yes I am shit at my job but you forgot to say how stupid/fat I am, not so clever now are you, as you missed that detail off, ha ha haaa".

Stop her and confront her every single time. Don't laugh, don't smile. Just say, "Did you just say I'm shit at my job? Why would you say that?" and "Are you really saying nobody likes me?"

She needs to hear her own words said back to her - and don't say anything more, just wait for her to speak.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT < start using this phrase with a dead pan face she’ll soon stop.

If she says you’re being so serious etc only a joke.... say you seem to be passive aggressive and I’d like it to stop.

A big sinister grin like the Joker from Batman followed by "you think I'm bad at my job?" Then out with notebook suggestion that's genius. I agree that when people hear back what they've said it can sometimes make them realise how bad they sound.

The old mumsnet
Did you mean to be so rude?

Definitely the notebook idea, hopefully that will stop her in her tracks.
Also, ask the HR department to send somebody over to see you when the bully is there.

In my work environment calling it out would work, especially in a group setting. Everyone heard the snide shit and everyone hears you ask her what her problem is. If it is not all just in your mind then everyone will be silently cheering you on. Or not silently. Often it only takes one person to stand up and the others quickly join in.