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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do i stop worrying or thinking about my husband?

53 replies

ImNotYourToy · 15/02/2019 18:23

My husband is going abroad for a fortnight and I know for a fact he will not message or ring me during that time, so I really need to just distance myself and "forget" about him during that time. I have one of his family member on my WhatsApp incase I need him for an emergency or if he decides to contact me, but other than that... what do I do to just forget about him?! I will obviously continue as normal I.e. go to work, look after my son, like I do every day really!

Sounds bad I know but like I said, he will not bother with me or his child while he is there as he will be spending time with his family. We went last year and I do not want to go again for a while, in case you are wondering why we are not all going together. Blush

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 15/02/2019 20:19

Were you invited?

timeisnotaline · 15/02/2019 20:21

Is it his child? If so, he is happy to abandon them for weeks? Because I wouldn’t find that acceptable at all.

DBML · 15/02/2019 20:26

He sounds a dreamboat.

BrusselPout · 15/02/2019 21:05

Can't you just arrange for him to text you at certain points during the trip? Then the pressure is off in that you aren't expecting texts every day, but you know that everything is well?

You are are partnership so it should just be 'that's how he is', he needs to make a bit of effort too

BrusselPout · 15/02/2019 21:05

*shouldn't just be!

WombOfOnesOwn · 15/02/2019 21:30

So how often does he go away for 2-week jaunts with no contact back home?

MashedSpud · 15/02/2019 21:43

Does the family live in a very remote place with no phone/WiFi etc or is he just inconsiderate?

Quartz2208 · 15/02/2019 22:24

The idea that a father would happily have no contact with his child for 2 weeks is awful
With his wife is just odd.

dancemom · 15/02/2019 22:26

Do you live together?

barkinatthemoon · 15/02/2019 22:41

All these people on here, whom you've never met can be bothered to type you a message of concern, yet your husband will not be bothered to know how you and his child are for 2 whole weeks? That's really sad to think you've accepted this as the norm as it shouldn't be. Being busy is no excuse as everyone has 5 mins in the day to send a message of reassurance. Just a couple of lines to tell you he's okay, and ask how your day has been. I would expect to speak daily on the phone, or via text at the very least. Would he not want to talk to his son? When my partner has gone away with work, we've chatted each day and kept communication with the children by facetime-ing. We did this from our children's birth with family members who live abroad also, and despite only meeting her grandparents 3 times, dd1 has a great bond with them due to their frequent skype sessions. Would this not be an option? Say he needs to contact his son each day to preserve their relationship. 2 weeks is a long time for little people, and surely he'll be missing him? I guess you can busy yourself with days out, plan early starts that ensure you have hectic mornings and no time to dwell, but surely come evening time you're going to want to know he's okay and vice versa. I guess I just don't get it as couldn't imagine not being able to speak to my husband for 2 weeks, and that was out of his choice, not army related etc.

AnyFucker · 15/02/2019 22:47

Unless he is a submariner, this is very unusual

Original poster
ImNotYourToy · 17/02/2019 14:31

Thank you everyone. He told me he will message me as and when he can but because of signal issues over where he going, I can't expect him to do it all the time. I did say once a day... that's all I am asking! Otherwise his family members will have to message me and let me know he is OK. That's all they can do really! Bizarre so it is... Blush

OP posts:
MumsyJ · 17/02/2019 14:45

Must be some remotest part of the world then, as most towns and cities and even villages have got good network coverage in most countries these day and age to make a phone call at least. He needs to talk a better game 🤔.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you he calls once a day at least.

Ellabella989 · 17/02/2019 14:48

My DP wouldn’t contact me regularly if he was with friends, but he would definitely make the effort to message or call me once or twice a day. It takes 5 seconds to write a quick text! It’s hardly going to impact his time away

Yippeee · 17/02/2019 15:44

What about him checking you and his child are ok?

Nc1548 · 17/02/2019 15:57

What about him checking you and his child are ok

^ this

GassyAss · 17/02/2019 16:26

Where is he going? The Arctic? My DH and DD have been away for less than a day and I've had umpteen texts plus a FT from them. Thinking of turning phone off actually..
it doesn't take much to send a text over breakfast.

Livelovebehappy · 17/02/2019 20:07

The saddest thing about your post OP is that you seem to accept this as normal behaviour. It isn’t.

SandyY2K · 17/02/2019 23:45

Daily contact isn't necessary for me...but there are very few places he won't get a signal to call.

He can buy a local sim card with data to send WhatsApp messages too.

Have you been to his home country?

Do you ever go out for the night and not contact him? Or go away for a few days without contact? If not perhaps you should.

Is he a good husband in other respects?

MsDogLady · 18/02/2019 01:48

If his relatives can message you anytime, then he has the option to use their devices and message you anytime.

It is troubling that you said he won’t ”bother with” you and his child while there.

I would not be impressed if my husband decided to opt out of our family for two weeks. Our daughter would be hurt if her dad ignored her in this way.

Why does he want to act like a single man?

Did he disengage from you when you were with him there?

Sally2791 · 18/02/2019 06:20

Not normal or caring behaviour. Sounds like he wants to be someone else for 2 weeks (?single) and doesn't care how you feel about it.

sparklefarts · 18/02/2019 06:46

Erm what? Just because he with with other people means he doesn't give two shits about whether you and his own son are ok?
My DH would be beside himself if he couldn't contact me to see how me and our son are for two weeks, in fact I'm fairly certain he just wouldn't go if he couldn't contacts us.

And you just accept how little he cares for you both?

Batshit.

yikesanotherbooboo · 18/02/2019 07:43

I wouldn't expect a call / contact on a night out and ewouldn't particularly worry if I didn't hear after a night away on a jolly ( although this would be very unlikely). I do , however, think that it is really abnormal not to ensure some sort of contact most days while he is away from the family. Surely he wants to know what you are up to and to check that there have been no upsets. He is away on a type of holiday and you are at home having to bear the routine of everyday life with a little one. Let him know how you feel.

Zoflorabore · 18/02/2019 07:49

Are you sure he doesn't have another family elsewhere? I struggle to believe that any decent person who is also a parent would not need to be nagged to contact their spouse and child if away for 2 weeks.

How often does he go on these trips op?

GassyAss · 18/02/2019 14:31

@Zoflorabore I wondered this too. I really hope we're wrong for OP.

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