Partner who works away

[tellietwotums]

So quick.background. pretty new relationship of 8 months. DP separated very recently when we met (no I am not and never was the OW) both have DC.

The relationship was always full on from the start, and when you know you know. As me and exdp had separated some 4 years before o decided early on to introduce him to my DD6. Everything has been amazing and we have all got on beautifully for a number of months.

I have not yet met his DC as they are.still young (similar ages) and DP had not been separated for 12 months. So all still new to them and felt meeting me and my DD was just too much too soon for them.

The last 8 months we've spent most days together except for when DP has his DC. Midweek he comes over and spends the night at mine when he has dropped his DC off and got them settled and we have EOW alone as a couple

He's just taken a job working away from Sunday to Thursday. We discussed it and for us to be able to do what we want to do in the future financially it's the only option for us (bigger house together and blending families)
This week was first week away and weekend calls on his weekend with DC. We have agreed to meet up on Sunday as friends for a play date with the Los and see how they react to me and my dd.

The problem Is I just miss him so much. I haven't seen him for a week, has managed to get over for 1 hours this afternoon and took me for much but had to shoot off to collect DC from school to start their weekend.

Whilst I know the bigger picture is to build a better future for us all, I'm really not coping now . Essentially until his DC are ready we realistically have EOW as a couple where we were spending 12 out of 14 together

I'm tearful, fed up, unmotivated and just down right sad has not here.

How do people get through this? As soon as he left today I just burst I to tears

It's hard but you just do.
How long will this go on for?
Is there an end date in sight?
My ExH worked away when I first had our DD.
Away Monday morning coming home Friday.
I managed, but it was only a 6 month thing so it was fine.
And I had every weekend with him.
It's gonna be hard.
But for now you are gonna have to get on with it.
Fill your weekends without him doing nice things with DD and visiting people.

I suspect it's going to be like this for 12 months. The plan is for me to run my house and for him to save for a deposit on a new one and pay to get his divorce sorted (I'm in rented)

I know that once his DC have got to know me and my dd things will get easier as we can all spend time together but I'm very conscious of doing the right thing. My DP DC are still very much going through the mill of their parents separating and divorcing and I don't won't to confuse them anymore than they already are, so Introductions will be very slowly and at their pace, starting with play date at child friendly activity this weekend.

It's just really hit me from having him here almost every day to just 2 days every fortnight. (as I'm sure his DC will feel the same hence the softly softly aproach)

I know I need to put on a brave face but I'm really sad about it

I'm sorry and I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but you sound very needy. It sounds as if you're depending on him being there to make you happy and that's really not healthy. It's also a huge amount of pressure on him

Enjoy your time apart! Do your own thing (and 1-2-1 time with your DC).Trust me, being happy and independent is a much more attractive quality than someone who's in tears and pining and waiting for the next date.

What's the rush? You're planning long-term anyway. I'm assuming you're in touch in between meeting up etc?

I know that once his DC have got to know me and my dd things will get easier as we can all spend time together but I'm very conscious of doing the right thing.

Yes but that's a long time off, and even then, your DC (and his) will still need 1-2-1 time with their respective parents, away from the 'blended family'.

Just take a step back and chill. Rediscover your own interests. What did you like spending time doing before you got together? Or start a new hobby. Hang in there.

Hi OP, it does seem harder initially, but when things start to fall in place, all will be well and good.

I'd look at the bigger picture and the benefit of this new job in the long term, as well as the gradual introduction of his DC to you. Also, there could be a prospect of you travelling to being with him for a day or two, given the circumstance.

It will get easier but with time. Yes there will definitely be lonely moments/ days, but engage yourself with activities with your DD. And with invention of video calls and all the digital innovations, he'll seem even closer.

Don't get too worked up. You will be just fine .

Sorry if I've come across as needy. That certainly isn't the case. My feelings on this are exactly that, it's hard enough for both of us as it is without me being all emotional about it I front of him. I came here as an anonymous platform to air those feelings as it's not fair to burden my DP with them. I ha e a very full on job that takes me away from home too several nights a month and as much as hate it I know it's necessary for my career and future. But that doesn't stop me from feeling sad and missing my DP terribly both when I'm not at home and for the foreseeable future with DP working away.

I was asking for advice on how other people get through this. Not to be accused of being needy. I'm entitled to feel however I feel about the situation.

I have hobbies and friends I can fill my time with but they can't fill the space in the evenings where my and DP have become accustomed to spending time together. They can't stop me from feeling lonely and missing affection, company and just generally someone being there.

After spending 14 years on my own with my DC I am Very independent, however these last 8 months with DP have been wonderful and I'm just sad that has to be put on hold.