I’m not pandering...

[amytwinehouse]

I put a thread up the other day about a Valentine card sent to my bf. he’d said he thought it was my writing on the envelope and that I’d used my left hand inside. (Later turned out to be from his dd). When I asked to show me the envelope (send a pic) he refused, cos he said he didn’t understand why. I told him it was to see the handwriting but he point blank refused and kept asking why/what’s the point if it wasn’t me.

But he said I was a psycho for asking to see the envelope, that he’d discussed it at work and his colleague agreed it was weird of me to ask to see this. It was genuinely just a “show me” and it only got weird (IMO) when he refused. He said last night it was because he wasn’t going to “pander” to my “ridiculous” request. He said it was bunny boiler stuff!! I told him he was totally overreacting but he refused to believe it was just curiosity on my part.

I know he is really out of order on this with the name-calling etc. but I’m really hurt and a bit confused by all these accusations. I said if it had been the other way around I’d not give it a second thought but he said he’d never ask so that would never arise.
Does it sound like he’s having a power trip?

I remember your post and now I think, maybe he sent it to himself and doesn’t want you to see it as you’d recognise his (badly attempt at covering up ) his own hand writing ?

He said in our final conversation that he thought I’d suspected it was from one of his female friends (he had previously lied to me about how much they texted because he said he thought I’d suspect something was going on if I knew the extent of it, so when I learned the truth I was annoyed that he’d lied and it did arouse suspicion about his intentions for a while tbh but that’s a whole other thread! This was last summer).
So, when he said this, the penny dropped. He wanted me to worry that it could be her. It must have been quite the anticlimax when I said, if it’s not from me it must be from DD, so he drew it out a bit saying, no, don’t think so...doesn’t look like DDs writing... but I didn’t bite, I just said go on then, text me the envelope kind of joining in the “let’s work this out” game and that’s when the drama started. That’s when I became a psycho and a bunny boiler and the shouting and swearing and “you don’t trust me” started. That’s what he’d tried to set me up as.
When I went round to get my stuff he showed me the card and it was quite obviously from DD. She even called him the version of his name his ex called him and almost no-one else does. Think Rob when everyone else calls him Bobby.
As I write this I can hardly believe it. All sounds quite pathetic really.

I’m glad I finally saw through him.

You are better off him xxxx

How sad that he has to try and orchestrate scenarios where he can call you jealous or paranoid to make himself feel good. I feel sorry for his next victim g/f

I know... but even when I didn’t bite he still tried to cajole me along that line of thinking, just so he could call me a psycho bunny boiler.

I still can’t get my head around it. 😢 because if he was genuine and he was worried I’d get jealous he would have agreed immediately that it was DD.
Sorry, I know I’m repeating myself I just have to keep reminding myself that he was manipulating me.
He sent a message saying he’s kicking himself because he fucked things up with me and that he thinks I’m really lovely.

Block him! Course he's going to sweet talk you but you know he'll just do it again and again. Keep rereading this thread for strength!!

I remember really liking this guy at uni. We were already friends but there was chemistry which might have tipped over into a relationship.

However one day he told me a story about rocking up to an ex girlfriend's house with a large bunch of flowers to ask how she was with the full agenda of making her think the flowers were for her and that he might be trying to win her back. After a short conversation he left saying 'have to go now on my way to see X these flowers are for them'.

I don't know if he expected me to be impressed or what really but I remember being reviled by that level of head fuckery and it completely put me off him forever!!

That experience taught me that weird people like this exist and that you should do everything in your power to stay away from them as they can only bring you harm. Well done for offloading your game playing weirdo

Thank you arya I’ve been reading and re-reading!
brass it’s when you that think he put that much effort into being a dick to deliberately hurt someone.
Day 4 now and honestly feel less stressed than I have in months! Another session with counsellor yesterday and I told him about the valentine nonsense and he said very much the same as everyone on here... manipulative, narcissistic, gaslighting, controlling. It’s just such a relief to realise that my feelings and interpretations are authentic and I’m not paranoid or anything else he called me.
xx

In that message did he actually say sorry? I see that he avoided that the first time he showed his true colours.

Never call them back if they put the phone down, they call you

He said he was sorry I felt that way... so not really a sorry at all.
Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have called back. He would rant away and get his point across and then I’d try to speak and he’d say I was repeating myself and that he was done with this conversation and was getting angry now and hang up. It just got me so riled, but that was the point. I see it for what it is now.

I just felt I was always being silenced or ignored. I feel like we never actually resolved anything either, because he’d just shut it down, not talk for a day or two, not see me for a week (any plans would be assumed cancelled) and then the next time we spoke he would just want to “move on.”

he's a DICK

Ugh!!!! Yes he is.

I texted the other day just to see if he wanted any of the stuff back he’d given me (was going to chuck it out but didn’t tell him that) and so a few very straightforward texts exchanged. He then sent one saying “I hope you’re ok.”
I didn’t reply straight away, and I was a bit at the concern tbh but I did stupidly eventually send a reply saying actually I’m hurt at the way you treated me etc.,And he didn’t actually ask if I was ok, did he...?
He ignored it.
That evening I texted “no comment?” And he replied, I don’t agree with you so let’s just leave it.
I mean he was really very unpleasant to me.
But a couple of hours later I thought I’d just bow out, so sent this:
Sorry this all ended so badly, goodbye and good luck.
Immediate reply: Me too, I genuinely do care and I hope you’re ok.
!!!!!!!

Cat and bloody mouse! I’ve not replied and I won’t. I must have been a puppet on a string for so long. Blocked on everything now.

Ugh why did you do that!!! You should have just blocked straight away!!

I know. Kicking myself!!!! Grrr.

He doesn't genuinely care and hope you're ok either, he can't even admit he was wrong, just remember that

Possible following scenario with these sorts: cue him contacting mutual friends/your family to tell them how worried he is about you (or simply telling everyone how 'she has issues'). To get them to feel u are the problem/so that they will peer pressure u into forgiving him, feeling like they are helping when in fact they are his pawns. Watch out for that crap.

But well done on ditching him!

How can he not agree with you that you're upset?

So glad you dumped this man.

arya spot on.
light omg he would always say he was worried about me when I’d cooled a bit towards him after his moods! All tender and concerned. Spooky.
hollow I see now that this was a pattern of refusing to acknowledge my feelings if they didn’t suit him.

I honestly feel like I’ve been dipped in some kind of magic that I can see through him now.

It’s been 2 weeks since I finished it and even though I know deep down I made the right decision I’m suddenly so sad and low.
I feel weirdly upset and emotional and I’m thinking why did he treat me that way. Am I not lovable? When I add up all the things he did to me I am annoyed that I didn’t leave sooner, but each time I forgave and believed him.
It’s really hard to think he never really loved me.
Sorry for the negativity just wanted to vent here rather than bottle it up.