Partner taking job abroad

[Attilathehunny]

My boyfriend and I are supposed to be moving in with each other in May ( been together 2.5 years) He is now up for a job that will take him out of the country for 3-4 days every week. (Very early flight Monday till late wed or Thur) He has 3 kids that he sees every other weekend and 1 day a week. This will now have to be condensed into the days he is in the country. We have had a pretty tough time over the last year with exs and boundaries etc. We have finally committed to moving in and moving (my) DD school, jobs etc and this comes up. I feel uncomfortable saying to him if you take this job I can’t move in with you but also feel personally that I can’t as it could be so detrimental to our relationship. I feel this is wasn’t what I signed up for. If we had been together for 10 years / married with kids all the stuff maybe I could feel different but I feel after what has been a really tough time I want to enjoy the next year and blend our lives / kids naturally without feeling loads of pressure. He is a very good father and likes to spend a lot of one on one time with his kids – which is great if we have more days but if there’s only 3 or 4 days every week kind of leaves me out in the cold...
I don’t want to be giving him an ultimatum – ie this job or me. It’s a wonderful opportunity but I am a bit annoyed he’s not discussing how it may affect our relationship etc. I could wait and see if he is definitely offered it before having this discussion but then I feel I have ambushed him.

Honestly OP, you've said it's already been tough and that's when he is around, boundaries, what do you mean exactly, and the ex?

This actually might be a bit of a get out clause for you not to jump in living together just now, it doesn't sound that things have and are that great; just stay as you are and leave your daughter at her own school etc.

My ex worked away during the week and was only back Friday night to Sunday night for three years. It did our relationship no good at all. We both just got used to doing our own thing. Later it turned out that he'd been pursuing another woman in the other town towards the end. It may work for some, but for others it's a relationship killer.

When you're in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and not even living with one another, that's a totally different situation to a married couple. And falling ill is a totally different situation to deciding to work away. As OP and her bf don't even live together, it's very unlikely he's moving jobs so as to provide for her. Fine if he wants to go ahead with this without discussion - he is only her bf - but in that case this is the wrong moment to take the relationship to the next level. And maybe a sign that the moment will never be right.

Either you like and love each other to make it work, or your don’t.
Exactly. For us, that means dh doesn’t take up opportunities that leave me as a single working mum half the time. Nor would I do that to him.

OP’s post is all about herself. Nothing about whether this job is important to him, or whether the change in salary is significant - for him and his children.
At 2.5years - it’s a bit early to attempt to control someone’s career.
He isn’t leaving her to be a single mother - she already is a single mother, full time.

Of course - it’s not an ideal situation. But also not the end of the world. And if both are willing to make it work - it’s possible.

Hey that’s ok everyone has an opinion- my ex used to work away for up to month in the mines (I’m not in uk) and it was really detrimental to our relationship. So yes I get that 3/4 days not a big deal but I feel it is at this point in our relationship. Anyway we spoke last night and I told him that not moving in if it goes ahead. It’s all good and he understands.

Well done OP. Good choice. It may still work out but at least it will be on your terms.

Oh that's good OP, at least there's a consensus. I hope all goes well for the future.