Wake up call required

[Coffee85]

Not sure why I’m posting, long time lurker, first time poster. Advice warning I’m probably going to ramble on.

So I have a long trail of failed relationships, abusive mentally, financially and physically, cheated on with one night stands, affairs, having children behind my back, you name it. Each time it’s ended badly, looking back I should have realised.

On top of this, I’ve struggled with MH outside of a relationship, with fertility, friendship groups. But I have achieved a good career, and own my property nearly outright. I’m 34.

So my most recent LT relationship of 4 years has ended. This was different, no abuse, no cheating, nothing to bring red flags. We had our future planned, and out the blue this has happened. I’m devestated.

Every time I feel happy, it comes crashing down. Every time I fall back to rock bottom, I get more bruises along the way.

I just don’t understand why I can’t be happy? Why I can’t just find a LT partner who continues to love me, to have a family with. This might have just been “enhanced” because of valentines, but I’ve felt low for weeks. I just want my DP and life back.

What a sad post.

Valentine's Day! Over commercialised nonsense created by a card company. If you read some other threads on Valentine's Day you will notice that everyone has their own views on it. Even although I have a partner I bought myself a present!

I know you're hurting and after four years and it being a shock that's to be expected.

The only advice I can give you is to start to love yourself. You need to have a good relationship with YOU. being in a relation should add to your life, but not be your only goal.

Clearly you are successful in your career. I think you've just not met the right person yet. I was 46 when I met the love of my life. And believe me I had kissed some right horrors in the past. I look back at them now and realise that everything happened for a reason, it was just hard working out why at the time.

Concentrate on you now. And if you are feeling that your mental health is declining due to the heartbreak please go and see your GP.

Next time you have a day off I would treat yourself. New haircut, nails done, buy a new dress, buy a cake. Watch all the things on TV you perhaps couldn't because your boyfriend didn't want to. Start living for you. Love will come along when you least expect it. If you have friends call on them. Spa day? Shopping day? Cinema? Cocktails. And remember all of these things can be done on your own too.

I wish you luck darling. It's awful when stuff like this happens especially when everywhere we look is valentine themed!

@spellingtest
Thank you for your response. I know very commercialised, and plastered everywhere. So hard when your going through the emotions, and it’s hard when it’s round every corner you turn. There’s also all the other days, which is just another post.

I’ve gone to my GP and I am getting help. I need to focus on me. I’ve had to take a career break, as I can’t mentally do my job.

I just feel like I’m a monopoly board, I make progress, but I get moved back to go, before I ever complete the board. Each time I’m back in this place, I loose confidence, self asteem, and it resurfaces everything from the last. I thought this time everything was so different, we are like best friends, and have so much love for each other. But in his words he can’t love me as a partner anymore, which hurts somewhat more than if he had done wrong, at least I could have some hatred towards him. I don’t have many friends, so it’s hard to keep busy. Plus our lives where so intertwined, which we need to sort and unpick.

Thank you for your story, I’m glad to hear you found your partner. It gives me hope.