Confused

[louisejanep]

Hi all,

I have posted on here about being in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I moved back to my mum n dads just before Christmas and I have not looked back.
At first and still now I am very short on text messages, I text him to arrange pick ups with our DD.
When he has DD he is always sending me pics of her and what there up to which is nice because I do miss her when she’s with him. So last few weeks I’ve thought I will send him pictures every now and again of DD. Since I have he has asked me on a date for what would have been our 11th aniversary together. I declined. And his tone quickly changed. And tonight he turned up at my mums with a valentines card for me. It was very awkward I didn’t know what to do or say, I just said thanks. He was acting quite sad , I just made the excuse it was cold and we had to get inside as DD not been well. When I first left him for about a month my life was just consumed with guilt for him, I felt responsible for his unhappiness and felt responsible that I had broken up a family. I thought I had gotten over that. But all those guilt feelings have come rushing back to me tonight when he give me that card. I thought I was doing so well, I don’t want to be back at square one again.
I don’t know what I’m hoping for with this text but just feel the need to talk it through.

Please don't go back it won't be different however much he promises. Be prepared for a love bombing, but just remember why you left....

I totally understand where your coming from hun!

I had a child with my childhood sweetheart, and before we had our daughter I didn't realise how controlling and emotionally abusing he was! Then I came to my senses and left him. It was the best thing I EVER did. During the time we split, I found myself getting these sort of feelings for him and he started flirting with me again. Kept asking if he could come in to talk about our DD then he would bring up memories and all the memories of the bad stuff sort of disappeared. And if im honest, I ended up sleeping with him on a few occasions. And for me, I seemed to get it out my system. I don't think about him, I don't fantasise about him. I've gotten on with my life.
He might be trying to make amends for the past, he may of realised. But if your feeling like you want to go on a date to see how things go, take it really really slowly. Make sure you stand your ground if he 'acts up' again. Maybe keep it between you and him for a while before involving your daughter again. Little steps!
Hope your okay x

No no no I never want to go on a date with him, I feel like I’ve come too far now and I’m really proud of myself for how far I’ve come even though it’s only been 2months. I feel like my future is going to be a lot brighter, I’m happier, yes I have bad times when I think about the ‘happy times’. But I can’t imaine going back to the fearful and walking on egg shells me. I’m a lot more relaxed, even if i am worried about getting settled into my own place when it comes up.

The thing I’m confused about is why do I still feel guilty, I would prefer him to be happy. But he has so much sadness in his eyes and I still feel responsible for him a little. I don’t give him any reason to bring me valentines cards or ask me on dates I’m very short and to the point. He probably thinks I have no heart and I’m quite cold now, it’s not that though I feel like I’ve changed a lot and I’m happier with the new me. But I just don’t know what to say to him