Whenever I was with my partner it was amazing, just two people madly in love, but whenever I wasn’t around she was different (I felt like she would push me away), distant and she just never seemed to want to spend time with me (we’d see each other once – twice a week and she often wouldn’t spend the night). She also seemed very hesitant to do anything that wasn’t just the two of us, shying away from nights out with my friends and family. She told me she liked her ‘recharge time’ and that I should respect that, but she never seemed to respect the fact that I’d like to spend a couple of nights a week together. We fought all the time when we were apart but when in person we never argued, not once, we could barely let go of each other’s hand, even food shopping she would hold onto my arm and every date felt like the start of a relationship, she was such a shy person but around me she couldn’t control herself and she’d say as much, even on our last date before I left her we couldn’t get on an escalator without stopping to kiss. We talked about children, where we’d live, we went on holiday together, (for my last birthday she paid for us both to go to Italy) but every time we’d get back she wouldn’t want to see me for a week saying she'd want to 'get back into her routine'. She said she loved spending time with me but it exhausted her mentally and that I was like a drug. She was so happy when she was in my presence, that no one made her feel the way I did but when she wasn’t around me she was miserable. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t just spend more time with me, she said I was her best friend and I believe that as she doesn’t have many. We are very different, I’m out going, open, honest and I make friends incredibly easily, I love my sports and to be out and active. She’s more reserved with a very small group of friends, she’d much rather spend her weekend in bed watching Netflix but she adored my energy and spontaneity, I’d meet her up after work, pick her up and spin her round like a movie, she’d get so embarrassed but she loved the way I a made her feel. We talked about moving in together but she’d flip from looking at places for us to making silly excuses constantly. The whole thing destroyed my self-esteem and sense of worth and after 3-4 months of this I ended it saying I loved her but she made me feel worthless and all I wanted was for us to spend more time together and I couldn't be in a relationship that made me miserable. She was devastated and said I was the love of her life. I told her that was it for me, I couldn’t be friends with someone I felt so strongly about and that for the sake of both of us I wouldn’t contact her again, she was crying so much but I couldn’t understand, I was breaking up with her for reasons entirely within her control and not mine, she could have fixed this! It’s been a month and I’ve been true to my word, I’ve done no contact, removed all reminders of her from my life, started playing tennis and piano lessons to distract myself and keep busy, making me a better version of myself but I miss her terribly, she was my best friend as well as my partner and I’d planned to propose to her, we’d even talked about the ring she’d wanted. The question is do I contact her or do I leave it for her to contact me. She knows how I feel about her but a part of me wonders if she’d want to try again, but then I remind myself that when I last saw her I told her the reasons I was leaving and she never offered a solution, I can’t fix the problems as I can’t make her want to see me or move forward in this relationship.