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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OLD boundaries

17 replies

Sammiejo12 · 14/02/2019 12:44

So here is another OLD question/rant...

I matched with a guy I had actually met a few years ago, I can remember him being quite nice but at the time I had a boyfriend so obvs nothing happened or went any further than a friendly chat that night.

He says he's just come out of a relationship at the end of November and doesn't want anything serious, which is totally cool with me as I had literally just finished with a guy I had been seeing a few weeks before. However I am not after a hook up arrangement and would actually like date someone but not to an extent of putting them in my will....

anyway we joke about what we were both looking for but I felt I hadn't really said exactly what I wanted as I was unsure to be honest what it was. We've been chatting over the last week and we have a laugh (I'm away at the mo so won't be able to meet up until couple weeks).

Last night it was getting to the point I wanted to just make sure he knew EXACTLY what I was after, dating, nothing serious at this point but defo not just a hook up. I want to go out and have fun, stay in and cook and just have some company.

Well, he seemed to get in a mood and said that I'd already said that at the beginning, which I felt I hadn't. I was then told to chill..... and that he knew he had upset me.

Wtf I'm not upset, I just wanted to Make sure he knew as the conversations were getting quite flirty and suggestive and I didn't want him the think that's all I wanted the situation to be.

Anyway needless to say I haven't heard from him. There is a 5hour time difference but he would usually sign off night, speak Tmz, etc.

Ergh men, try and have an adult conversation and be honest and he's then gone off in a huff.

Opinions?

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 14/02/2019 13:30

Fuck him off! If he hadn't stopped messaging me I'd have beat him to it

GraceMarks · 14/02/2019 13:39

Too much drama too early on. I wouldn't bother myself about him, if I were you. He sounds touchy and defensive. It's often difficult to get the tone of your messages right on OLD - you want to indicate that you're interested, but if you get too suggestive before you've met up, it could suggest that you're only there for hook-ups. Perhaps he's annoyed because he thought that was what you were after and he took your clarification to mean that you were turning him down?

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 14/02/2019 14:24

I felt I just needed to clarify that I wasn't just after a hook up and somewhere in my casual is "open to interpretation" he actually read what I meant... amazingly.

But for my own piece of mind I wanted to make it clear not only to him but to myself aswell.

Oh well another bites the dust.

I want to be treated like he can't believe his luck sort of thing and not just treated like a object just to get him off.

OP posts:

Bombardier25966 · 14/02/2019 14:28

You do sound like hard work for someone that just wants some light dating. Don't over think things, and if you do overthink then don't say it out loud!

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 14/02/2019 14:31

I can assure you I'm not hard work I just know what I'm not willing to put up with.

Just because I don't agree with something and say is ok in my book. I'm not prepared to be a doormat just because some guy wants to get his leg over. Personally I believe I'm worth more than that

OP posts:

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 14/02/2019 14:36

I'd say he was after either just a hook up or sexting and that's why he got in a hump.

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 14/02/2019 15:02

Yes now you've said that I think you're spot on x

OP posts:

NameChangeNugget · 14/02/2019 18:08

You do sound like hard work for someone that just wants some light dating

This entirely, it doesn’t sound like you do, his attitude stinks however, I can see what lead to the confusion

category12 · 14/02/2019 18:31

I'd agree with whatsthecomingoverthehill, he was after a shag/sext, and you putting the brakes on pissed him off.

Next!

ImNotKitten · 14/02/2019 18:36

Yeah, he wanted something casual and you reminding him that you didn’t has put him off. His loss and you’ve done nothing wrong by being clear that you don’t just want a shag. Forget him and keep looking for the right person.

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 14/02/2019 19:00

Thank you for the support x

OP posts:

reallemonade · 14/02/2019 21:35

He wanted something casual and you didn't. Just forget him.

Hueandcry · 15/02/2019 03:35

If there's a 5 hour time difference between you it's not exactly handy for dating is it?

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 15/02/2019 09:43

The OP said she's away from home at the moment.

girraffeduck · 15/02/2019 10:19

If it's a rant I hear you but if there's a question in there you are way overthinking this guy, enough to start a thread about this problem... and that's hard work for casual dating

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 15/02/2019 14:42

It was more of a rant, I needed to get it off my chest.

I'm only away for a few weeks and we had met before a few years ago, have mutual friends.

But whatever I'm certainly not going to loose sleep over him.

OP posts:

crappyday2018 · 15/02/2019 16:46

He's huffy - definitely a red flag. Bullet dodged.

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