How do I find someone?

[Lonleyman]

Hi all,
Long time lurker, first time poster. I'm male btw, and expecting to be flamed royally...

Forgive the long post.

I am in my mid 50's, divorced, with my own consultancy business. I'm reasonably successful, and comfortably solvent, but my business is me - my skills, my experience, my knowledge, so I have to go where the work is.

It took me a while to get over the divorce, I really wasn't in any state to meet anyone, but I started OLD in April last year. I know OLD is a minefield, but I'm really struggling to meet anyone.

I'm on pretty much all the usual OLD suspects, and have matched with several women, and messaged many more (I don't pay for any memberships), but I'm honest about the fact that my business has me moving around a lot, and I'm pretty sure this is putting people off.

I get it - I'm not immediately marriage or possibly even serious relationship material, but I can't seem to match / meet ANYONE that is prepared to try.

I've even joined some, erm, adult dating sites, as a ONS, FB or FWB would (cough) relieve some pressure, but I'm just another single male lost in a mass of other single guys.

I send light hearted, polite messages, saying that I'd be happy with just some female company for an evening (nothing sexual expected), but never get any responses.

Let's assume I'm not Quasimodo's ugly brother. What else can I try?

Well I want someone quite local to me so you moving around a lot would be an immediate swipe left I'm afraid.
If you were positioned in one place and worked away in the week or something similar then that's totally different.
Do you have a base at all or do you just move around all the time?
There's been a few threads recently stating exactly what women swipe left on so have a search for those.
Should give you some pointers.
No pics with kids or ex's and for the love of god 'smile'!

hellsbells
And that's the problem. I'm never "local" to anyone for very long. In the last 12 months, I've been in Glasgow, Portsmouth, Brussels and London. I am generally in one area for a couple of months at a time, but not usually much longer.

I do have my own place, but it's empty 90% of the time - I'm seriously thinking of selling up, or renting it out.

I'll search on those posts, thanks. My photo's are just me. No fish, drugged animals, children or filters, just me, warts and all :D

I get that I won't necessarily attract anyone looking for a serious relationship, but as I say, something casual would suit me right now. :(

THIS IS A GOOD ONE

Hate to say it, but our age group mean we've done the ONS and other stuff and now want to find that someone to settle down with.
So I've no advice.

That would suit me as I have no intention of getting married again, am very independent and have my own home and business and would love a relationship with someone who is not around all the time.
Most blokes are terrified of me though and at 57 most blokes sadly are looking for younger women.

That wouldn’t put me off, it would probably suit many people. Can you share what your profile says? And how many photos you have/roughly what they’re of. Maybe you can get some advice on where you’re going wrong, if you are or maybe just some reassurance your profile is fine and you just need to keep trying and you’ll eventually meet the right person.

It's not just "not being around all the time" though, that would be fine with me, it's that once you're gone from an area you won't be back. Even if someone isn't looking for marriage or a LTR, a couple of months might not seem worth it, considering you spend a week or so chatting online, a couple of dates...then just as you're getting to know someone, they're gone!

I'd say Tinder was the best bet; I met my DP when he was only supposed to be around for a couple of weeks, which suited me at the time. Didn't end up that way though!

I m early fifties and would love to get married again so I'm looking for a potential husband where n I look online. I suspect a lot of marriages broke up in the first place due to one party not being there.

If you're not gonna be there for someone then what's the point ☹️ . If you absolutely can't go without sex well there are other options for that

The other option is to travel back even after you move so it becomes a long distance relationship. Does your business give you enough time and funds to easily do this? Would that be something that interests you if you meet the right person? If it is then you can leave out the temporary bit of your profile and get to know people that way. Once you've started talking and meeting someone you can tell them what your situation is and what it would be like in the long term.

hellsbells I've seen many women aged between 45 - 65 with "no commitment" or "nothing serious" etc on their profiles, so I don't think that's true. If I'm allowed to by the site, I always message them (again light hearted and polite), but all I get is a profile view.

I'll definitely check out that thread though, thanks.

madcatlady I don't care about age, wrinkles, lumps and bumps - I'm no George Clooney (George Clowney however...) I'm not easily scared off, maybe pm me? :)

traveller er, not too happy about posting my profile on here, could I maybe pm you?

michaelbaubles agreed. I can spend up to a year in one place, just not had that recently.

NotSuchASmug I'm well aware there are other options, but, regardless of what anyone says, there is no substitute for sex with another person. To be clear it's NOT just about sex. I want companionship just as much.

Also, I don't mean this to sound mean, but I'm not sure men are very good judges of whether they're attractive or - this is more important - whether they come across as attractive in their profile. I say this because most older women are very open-minded about looks and are prepared to give someone a chance but there must be SOMETHING in the profile which catches their eye. Even someone not conventionally handsome can have a rogueish look, a nice way with words, a kind smile...to get profile looks and no response indicates that whatever they're seeing, it's not what they're looking for. Get some female friends/colleagues to look at your profile and give some feedback maybe? You don't know what signals you're unintentionally sending out. (For example, I hate "dead-eyed" photos where they give me serial killer vibes. But the photo might actually be OK and the guy good looking. Just something there that turns me off by instinct. They might be a great guy but once I've felt that...ugh.)

OP, I think NotSuchaSmug might have been referring to a "professional" lady....

Musti do long distance relationships work? I'd be up for trying - still need to meet them first!

michealbaubles You could be onto something there. I'll see if I can find a female opinion.

SurreyDad ah, right. no no no no NO! I'm NOT going down that route!!

OP - yes, you can message me, I understand you might not want to post it publicly but I’m happy to look and see if I can help.

I post a lot on the dating thread - I'm happy to look at your profile if you PM me? I'm female, by the way!

I want to say a huge thanks to Traveler and Batshit for helping me with my profile.

I've updated it thanks to your suggestions, and hope that it attracts someone!