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Relationships

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Original poster

Younger man

19 replies

MMOA · 14/02/2019 07:56

I am 42 and have been single for about 5 years with a 14 year old. Not even a date. I went out with a group and met a 28 year old guy. He took my number. To be honest, i forget about it until he started messaging me. We finally met up for a drink and since then we have been inseperable. He is in my home practically every day. He does have his own place, but prefers to be with me. He helps me out a lot in the home and contributes financially. I love the way he is with me. Our relationship is the type that i always wanted. He is kind, considerate, loving. We hardly argue. He has taken a lot of pressure off my sholders. He has introduced me to his dad who really likes me. I can't admit to anyone about my relationship because of the age. My parents would flip. He makes me happy. I am not sure what to do because i feel that one day he would like to be with someone his own age. It is so hard trying to meet anyone suitable my own age. Are there others in my situation???

OP posts:

TooOldForThis67 · 14/02/2019 08:15

I briefly 'dated' a guy 18 yrs my junior. He was fun and had plenty of energy and nothing fazed him. He turned out to be a bit of a psycho but that's another story.
I told my Mum and she said 'find someone your own age'. Friends thought it was great as did his own friends and Dad.
I couldn't shake the feeling that when I'm 70 he wouldn't even be the age I am now! That put me off.
You could just enjoy it while it lasts, don't get too over-invested. It could all work out and you'll live happily ever after. There are no guarantees with anyone, whatever the age!
If it doesn't work out, have you tried on-line dating?

NameChangeNugget · 14/02/2019 09:54

I think you should go for it short term and live for the day.
A colleague was in similar circumstances however & hitting menopause her sex drive nosedived and split them up as he was only in his late 30’s and he got his head turned due to the lack of sex

Sunshineandflipflops · 14/02/2019 10:20

Plenty of men (including my ex husband) seem to do it so i don't see it being much different. I find it a bit odd if I'm honest as I ca't imagine being with someone long term who didn't like/know the same music I grew up with. Music is just an example as it's important to me but with that age gap you are both in different stages of your lives.
As someone else said, maybe enjoy it for what it is for now.

man1982 · 14/02/2019 10:54

Do what makes you happy not anyone else. I am the guy from a similar situation, i was 23 and met a 36 year old almost 14 years later we are married with a 10 year old daughter and couldn't be happier. As someone else said, live for the day.

Boysandbuses · 14/02/2019 10:59

A colleague was in similar circumstances however & hitting menopause her sex drive nosedived and split them up as he was only in his late 30’s and he got his head turned due to the lack of sex

This is why I wouldn't. I know 4 women who have been in large age gap relationship, with the man younger and this has happened in all of them

Also, what would concern me is, has he had kids?

MashedSpud · 14/02/2019 11:07

I’d just carry on and enjoy it. As long as you’re both happy don’t worry about the age. Men marry/date women 20 years their junior and no one bats an eyelid.

MumsyJ · 14/02/2019 19:12

Well, enjoy it while it lasts OP. As long as he makes you happy.

Personally, I'm not and have never been attracted to younger men, not even a year younger.

CJ357119 · 14/02/2019 19:34

How long have you been seeing him? Could it just the the initial lust feelings ? Like others have said though, age gaps don’t stop men

newyearnewwhat · 14/02/2019 20:49

Age in lots of ways is irrelevant. My ex dh was my age, emotionally immature, really poor work ethic, never pulled his weight etc Dh on the other hand is 12 years younger than me, ambitions, hard working and 100% committed to me and family life.
The important thing to clarify is the dc 'issue' dh & I fell for each other hard and very quickly but I was clear from day 1 that I didn't want anymore dc and gave him the opportunity to walk away. I never wanted to lead him on and was totally upfront about what I could offer him.
We've been together 10 years now!

ConfCall · 14/02/2019 21:43

I wouldn't worry about the age gap per se but he may want children one day. However, not all men do, as a PP explained. Talk to him.

The thing about the lack of sex drive in menopause leading to affairs can (and does) happen when the man is the same age or older - men of any age who are ignored sexually will be tempted to stray, sadly. Women too, come to that!

crumb · 14/02/2019 22:56

My young man is 23 years less than me. I am crazy about him and hope that stuff about the menopause isn’t going to apply. We don’t have much stuff or interests in common, we just really like one another and also help one another out. Few of our friends and no family know, so in many ways it is unsatisfactory but in other ways it’s perfect as I have children and don’t want anyone who wants a big part of my life. We’ve been together 19 months now, of course we both know and talk about the fact he will have his own family later, that’s not the bit that bothers me, what bothers me is my sense of embarrassment that this is not right.

I cannot give any advice but what I think when I am feeling uncertain is there is no constraint on either side, so what is the alternative? being less happy? for what? It is not as if either you, OP, or I aimed for this to happen and now it just is.

frenchonion · 14/02/2019 23:04

Fuckit! Go for it! You don't see middle aged plus men ruminating on the age gaps of their twenty something girlfriends. As long as you're both happy, then be happy!

Monday55 · 14/02/2019 23:19

Men mature quiet late..when he hits his late 30s he might start thinking of having children of his own.. something to consider.

crumb · 14/02/2019 23:44

but late 30s is in more than 10 years! a whole load of stuff can happen in that time. When my children leave home it will also change what I want from my life, it goes both ways.

Should you break up with someone now because you’ll probably separate in 10 years? I am not criticizing your comment I wonder the same thing.

XH, same age as me, is expecting a baby with his younger girlfriend and I’m relieved that I am not able to be tempted.

wishywashy6 · 15/02/2019 00:03

Go for it!
I'm 36, my bf is 26. Nobody really cares about the age difference and if they do then that's their problem because we don't 🤷🏼‍♀️

pissedonatrain · 15/02/2019 00:07

Well it's just dating isn't it? You don't have to marry him or even stay with him for years and years.

After my first DH passed away, I met someone 19 years younger than me. And we had everything in common. Practically could read each others minds.

We did end up married and now going through a divorce 14 years later. He was the 2nd love of my life and I've never experienced such heartbreak.

I went through menopause and he had his head turned and is now involved with someone online that he's still never met.

Boysandbuses · 15/02/2019 04:53

I suppose alot of this is going to depend on what they both want out of it.

Yes, men go out with women younger them. But I disagree that no one says anything. People do talk.

But on the flip side, the when the man is older, they can still have kids. As I mentioned I knew 4 women (3 at work and 1 in my personal life) who have been in LTR with men alot younger. It's seems to have been fine until the men hit late 30s. The marriages broke down. In 3 cases the men went on to be with someone younger and have kids. Despite them all being happy not to have kids for years. The other hasn't.

It's really going to depend on what the op wants. Is she looking for forever, would she be happy with a good 10 years (not everyone would), would she be happy having it as a fun relationship (given he has practically moved in, I am guessing not).

But what's really concerning is that this man she barely knows is there all the time, even though she has a child. He is an teen, fair enough. But it's still not ideal.

miaows · 15/02/2019 05:53

I am with my partner nearly 4 years. I am 43 he is 30. For the first two years I really struggled with the age difference still do a bit. My advice is to take it day by day. Enjoy it and don't take it too serious at the start. In fairness we are 4 years in and living together and deep down I still don't take it too serious. I have kids he doesn't and is adamant kids are not for him. I believe him to a point and my attitude is if he changes his mind cest la vie and I will move on. Live in the moment and enjoy no one knows what's around the corner in any relationship.

StarlightLady · 15/02/2019 06:33

He’s making you happy. Enough said!

It may not be for ever, but that applies to same age friendships too. I suggest you just enjoy and see what transpires.

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