Is this a red flag- how would you react?

[Saffiro12]

My boyfriend of 3 years (we are early to mid thirties) took a job overseas in the USA for 6 months. A maternity cover that would boost his career massively, so I felt like I had to let him go. He is due to come home in 2 weeks (we made it through!) and I absolutely can't wait.
Speaking to him on the phone tonight he came out saying that he loves it out there, much prefers it to the UK and although he is looking forward to seeing me he is more sad about coming home as he feels so much happier there in his job and the way of life. He told me if they offered him a permanent job out there that he would at least think about staying and wouldn't straight away say no. (Even if this meant the end of our relationship).
This was all theoretical, he has his flight booked and everything in place for his return, but I can't help wondering if this speaks volumes about his feelings towards me or if I should just let it go and look forward to his return? Where do I go from here? Just forget about it and look forward to his return and the plans we have made for it, or should I be acting on this information?

USA is great in the short term. Particularly if you have no responsibilities ie kids. Once you have to think about health insurance, kids, housing ladder, visa, tax arrangements etc I found it became a far less enticing prospect!

Have you discussed your future otherwise, eg if you want kids?

I don't think you should "act" on it, whatever that means. He's coming home in two weeks, so any discussions you need to have about your future can surely wait until then.

I can see why you'd be concerned but really, he's been honest with you about preferring the lifestyle in the US (the lifestyle, remember, he's not said he wants to be single) and has only said he'd consider a job, not that he'd definitely take it. There may not even be a job on the table so at the moment this is all hypothetical.

You've got into a panic and you need to make sure you don't say anything rash. He's coming home in two weeks - the flights are booked. In the meantime, think about what you want for your own life. Are you very invested in your current job/life? Would you consider a move? That way if there is a difficult chat to be had, you already have some idea of where you stand

I wouldn't call it a 'red flag', but if he's said that he'd rather stay in the US even if that means breaking up with you, I'd be concerned. If he stayed would he ask you to go over with him? I think his statement indicates you're not his first priority. That can of course change once he gets back home, but I'd be keeping it in mind.
It may have just been an indication of how much he's loved it over there or it could be a precursor to further discussions about the relationship. You won't know til he's back.

You’ve stayed home, maybe he wants an open discussion about moving. This has to be two way on what is best for all parties, it’s not selfish, it’s honest, you can choose not to go

I don't see how it's a red flag.

He is being honest about his feelings. Did he actually say 'I would think about taking it even if it means the end of us' or did you add the bit about it being the 'end of us'.

I take it you won't even contemplate moving there? I am not saying you should or shouldn't move that entirely up to. But you can love someone, but want different things out of life. He was perhaps hoping you would say something about wanting to join him there.

If he does get offered a job there and you won't even contemplate or look at moving and feel that would the end of the relationship, really, you are both ending it.

If that's what he really wants in life, to live over there, would you want him to turn it down for the sake of the relationship. That usually leads to resentment and unhappiness.

There's lots of if and buts in this situation. It's IF he is offered a job, you could look at going too IF you want, BUT what IF you don't want to. You can only deal with it if/when it arises. I don't think it means he does love you.

Sometimes relationships end simply because the two people want different things. Not because the relationship is bad or the two people don't love eachother.

He’s just being honest about how he feels right now, he’s enjoyed his time there and leaving is sad. I expect he’s just got settled and made welcome and is leaving all too soon probably with a nice send off, He’s probably seen it all through rose tinted glasses as they say

He is talking openly with you about how he feels and it sounds like a realistic and measured response. Don't overthink it and enjoy his return!

If you were a bit younger, I’d say not to panic and just see how things pan out (I say this as someone whose DH worked overseas for two years before we got married).

But, as you’re in your 30s (and presumably want kids?), I think you need to think about what you both want. Do you think that when he gets back he’ll be actively looking for job opportunities in the US? And would it be a deal breaker for you if he was offered one, or would you consider moving out there with him? Better to have that conversation now rather than in a year’s time.

I think that if you’ve been together three years and you’re in your 30s, it’s a good time to decide if you’re serious or not. (Again, I’m assuming you want kids. If you don’t then less of a rush.) Either this is the real deal and you start planning a future together, or it’s better to cut your losses now. The US thing is one part of a broader conversation about what you both want out of the next five years.

Of course it’s not a red flag, he’s being honest.

You’ve not been together that long, maybe it’s a crossroads for you both?