Friends who just talk about themselves

[Swiftier]

.... do you have any and how do you deal with them?

A couple of my oldest friends just talk about themselves and barely ask any questions about me or my life.

I recently started a new job and this was all very obvious when I went for a coffee with one and she didn’t ask a single question about how I am/how my new job was etc. She talked about herself and her problems non-stop. She does have more problems in life than I do, and I’m generally happy to listen, but it can’t be all one-way.

I have other friends that I have normal, back-and-forth conversation with, so I don’t think it’s me (I had wondered if I appear closed/don’t want to talk about myself etc...)

Do you have relationships like this, what do you do? I could obviously not see these people but we have been friends for a long time so I’d rather try and improve things if possible...

With self-absorbed people, i find the best tactic is to just change the subject and talk about yourself. Try to do a monologue if you know theyre not the curious type who ask questions. I have to do this with brother-in-law and to be fair, once he’s got something to work with, he runs with it.

Annoying though.

I've known a few over the years, and IME it's just an extension of someone being quite self-involved, which manifests itself in different ways (just general "me, me, me" behaviour).

Without exception, I have distanced myself & moved on.

Just don't bat the conversational ball back when they talk about themselves. They should hopefully get the hint. I'm a bugger for this myself (I do try not to, but catch myself doing it all the time).

Oh, and when they're speaking about something you have experience of, chime in about yourself.

Do what they do. Just behave in the same way as they do and then you'll get to say your piece. Interrupt, monologue, whatever. You've got to be brutal with these people lol.

I had one friend like this.We spent a lot of time together as we have kids the same age and had similar interests .I really , really liked her.I did notice however that she spoke an awful lot about her kids and herself and sort of tolerated it for a long time .However I had a really difficult spell in my personal life and confided in her .She more or less brushed it off as if it never happened . She never asked again how things had panned out or how I was feeling.Our conversations revolved around her and her' brilliant' kids .It was rather baffling and very disappointing as I really need someone to talk to.
About a year later I had another really difficult episode in my life and called her up on the phone crying.She listened and said she would call by the following day for a chat and a cup of tea.She never came and didn't even bother to send a message.She didn't call for a few weeks or send a message .This from someone who is on social media constantly.She eventually called and asked briefly how I was doing and then went on to tell me that her son had got great results in some test at school.At this stage I. was just so over the friendship that I basically let it go.we have no contact anymore

They don't get the hint, ime.

I end up giving them as much effort as they give me and let it peter out, once the penny has dropped that they just exist in their own echo chambers,

Yes, I agree with spudlet.

I just try not to speak to people like that. None of my friends do this. Some work colleagues try!