Message from long lost sibling

[Sunseasand1]

Hi I’m after some advice.
My husband yesterday received a Facebook message from his half-brother, who is older, and has not been in touch with their father since before my husband was born.
My husband knew of him by name only but has never had any contact.
It was just a “hi, I’m sure this is a huge shock to you, but I’m your half brother” message. There were a few details, names and dates which make it appear totally genuine. But is from a Facebook account with no friends / photos so looks like was only created for this reason.
We are really struggling to start to know how to respond. Obviously feel guarded as totally out the blue, but don’t want to not respond at all. Or appear critical as if genuine must have been very hard for him to reach out right now.

Maybe the guy made a Facebook account purely to contact his half brother? Maybe he’s not really into Facebook but t was the only way to find your husband. I can understand how shocked you are.

But please put your self into the guys shoes. Did he never contact with their dad does your husband have a relationship with his dad?

Such a difficult one but I would definitely reply. The poor guy just probably wants to know his father’s family 😊

This happened to me a long time ago before the internet. The half sibling was visiting from America and tried to contact my other siblings and I via family members we hadn't seen for many years. Our second parent had just died so it wasn't a good time. We said no to contact. I've regretted it ever since.

Thanks @JKCR2017 I totally agree.
It’s just difficult to put pen to paper I guess to even know where to start to reply

Also, no, we are nc with my husbands father too. He’s toxic

Is it a surprise to your DH or did he know he had a half brother? I contacted my half sister 15 years ago scared that she wouldn’t reply but she did. We have the best relationship. It wasn’t our fault our Dad made the choices he did but I’m so glad we have each other

I am currently on the other side of this, that is I have been the person reaching out and it was utterly terrifying to do. I won't say lots as don't want to out myself, but the family have been very sweet and totally shocked me by being welcoming, I can't express how much that meant to me and how moving I have found their reaction.

Just be honest, if you don't know what to say you can say that, it's okay. Work out what you want, i.e if he doesn't want any contact don't get the half brother's hopes up, BUT if your DH isn't yet sure, then keep the channels of communication open and keep them going so that over time, if your husband wants to meet up or start exchanging info then he will be well placed to do so. You both sound like kind, compassionate people. Best of luck! x

@Giraffe888 yes he knew of him but was off the scene well before my husband was born.
It’s just so difficult to find the words to respond.
Thanks for your message though and so glad it’s worked for you

Thanks Rhubard

Any chance that the toxic NC DF is behind this ? Be careful.

Thanks another, obviously this has crossed our minds. As only he would know some of the detail in the letter. But on the other hand the Dad hasn’t been in touch with him whatsoever since he was a young boy. And my husband for a number of years now.
Reminding us what a terrible man he is won’t encourage us to want to make contact. As I figured as long as he doesn’t ask for anything from us there’s no harm in messaging

Um, hate to say this but I would be suspicious about the Facebook account and this being a scam.

If genuine, you could do a very bland reply like “this has come as a huge surprise, thank you for getting in touch”. That way you’re not saying yes or no to it going any further than a courteous message.

I’d be wary.

A scam from whom though @Rainbowshine
Only his dad and immediate family would know any of the details included, dates and names etc.
The message is very well written, and this family are quite simple and very doubtful they would write so elequently, and have no benefit in stirring up the past.
My husband has never met this man, there are no real ties there.
And it’s beyond sick if it’s not genuine

What did the brother say he wanted?

No just that he wanted to get in touch after all these years

I contacted my long lost half brother through facebook.

We've been facebook friends every since. He is in the States and neither of us have crossed the atlantic since. But we will meet up at some point.

It's great.

and this family are quite simple and very doubtful they would write so elequently

Fucking hell. What the fuck you on?

My DF had a message out of the blue over Facebook from a daughter he knew existed but had never met due to her toxic DM.

He just confirmed he was the right person and that he was happy to hear from her. Basically put the ball back in her court with no pressure. If your DP wants to be in touch then baby steps are key I think, let each party get comfortable before the next step.

People may have talked and put two and two together. Maybe the next message will be “I want to come over to see the family in the UK but can’t afford the plane fare, can you send money...”

Maybe I’m too cynical but I’m just saying be careful and take things slowly

Maybe the next message will be “I want to come over to see the family in the UK but can’t afford the plane fare, can you send money...”

They are simple, uneloquent people, apparently. Must be after money.

Honestly, this place sometimes.

How wonderful that he's trying to connect. I would ask him if he's willing to provide a phone number and speak to him over the phone if it were me.