Wwyd

[Qgetyub]

Nc for this but would really appreciate some help, I have to be a bit vague as I don't want someone to work out who I am if there's anyone I know on mn.

Dh is on leave from work at the moment. He is fed up and we've been arguing a lot. This afternoon he threatened me and then this evening he grabbed me and shoved me into the wall a few times. He has previously pushed me over and another time grabbed me by the neck and pushed me into a window but the incidents are almost years apart. I called a family member of his to see if he could go stay at their house because we have young dcs and I have no where to go with them. His family member has some of their own issues going on so couldn't help (sorry to be vague). I don't know what to do, I am a sahp and have no money to takeover all the bills if we were to separate, I don't have anywhere to go and he won't leave. I don't know what I'm looking for, I am upset and I don't know what to do in the hours, days and weeks ahead. I am so scared if I ask for a divorce then I'll regret it and I don't know how to work out what to do. I grew up in a violent household (lots happening all the time, not like this just a handful of incidents) and I know that it had a negative impact on me but this isn't quite the same and I have no idea what to do right now so if anyone has been in a similar position or can offer any advice I'd be grateful.

Why haven't you called the police??

I think if I did that then he'd just make life so difficult if I left him. I'm worried if I did something like that then he'd try get full custody of the kids or not give me chance to find a job and buy him out of the house and then me and the kids would lose our home.

You need to ring the police.
Your next abode could be a wooden box otherwise.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. If I was in your situation I would contact Women's Aid. They are the best people to give you advice on where you can go from here, you have options even as a SAHP. They helped me some years back and have helped a couple of my friend's who were in a similar situation to you.

He is violet, you need to call the police.

Police and Women's Aid. And Freedom Programme too. ASAP.

You grew up in a violent household, you are living in a violent household and your children are now growing up in a violent household.

A man who grabs you by the neck is taken v v seriously by the police. Next time he could kill you.

Ring WA and get a place in a refuge urgently his behaviour is escalating.

Ok, if I was in your position this is what I would do.

So, if you genuinely feel that these incidents are very sporadic and not escalating, I would not go to woman’s aid or call the police.

What I would do is use the next few weeks to gather myself together. Get financial information, look on to benefits, talk to the citizens advice, job hunting, tell someone you are very close with and who you think may help, speak with a solicitor.

Do not give him even slightest idea this is what you are doing

And then, when you have your shit together - leave

Thank you for all your advice, I feel a lot less alone, thank you. Im on edge about calling the police, based on what they did when they were called when I was growing up, they just took parent away and then let them out a few hours later or the next day and then they were back home and everything was so much more difficult.
Mmmmbrekkie I think taking your advice might be best, I need to get out without it being messy and making him want to start being difficult

You will be able to get legal advice via Women's Aid and then a none mol?

Thanks HeavenlyEyes, is it cheaper to get legal advice through women's aid, I only have about £100 in my own bank account (saved from Christmas money I got from relatives) and the family money is in joint acc that he keeps a close eye on so would notice if I took some from there for legal advice. Just googled non molestation, definitely something to consider, thank you

You may qualify for legal aid if victim of DV?