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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Back with the baby daddy or bad idea?

5 replies

Bekiboom · 13/02/2019 16:24

Hey, I know that this is normally a group for asking advice on how to deal with an ex, but I need advice on whether me and my son's dad should get back together. Not right now though. Basically he has issues with staying when the going gets tough and being consistent when he is here as in doing the things that need doing everyday. He walked because there was a brief trust issue which was my fault. I saw messages on his phone and flipped out but it was just a girl he works with. Nothing going on there. The problems that he has, he has gone and sought out some therapy for and when he talks to me about it, it does seem to be making an impact on him. We have been split for a while now and there hasn't been anyone else for either of us and while we don't have major issues the consistency thing does need sorting.

Has anyone had a successful relationship after individual therapy or has it ended in a ball of flames again?

Can it work?

OP posts:
LIZS · 13/02/2019 16:26

It was not your fault, he is gaslighting you if he has insisted that it was. Presumably your "trust issues" came about as a result of something.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/02/2019 16:28

Can I ask how long you were originally together, how long you've been split and how long he's been in therapy?

Also how old is your DS? How old are you and ex partner?

Sorry for all the questions but just helps with context.

Have you considered having therapy too?

Bekiboom · 13/02/2019 16:35

We have been together for 3 years and our son is nearly 2. We have been split since just before Christmas and he started therapy almost straight away luckily. I am 24 and he is 23. I think a lot of his problems stem from his parent's non-traditional relationship. They are on and off-ers and don't live together as his mum is a live-in carer to her mum. His dad used to drink and be aggressive and violent and wasn't around much when my son's dad was young. I just don't see how therapy can work. His counsellor has said its probably a lot to do with relationships he has seen but can I ever really trust him not to revert back? It's damaged my partner this badly so surely it has a decent chance of damaging my son too?

OP posts:
Bekiboom · 13/02/2019 16:37

LIZS he wasn't the one that said it was don't worry, he is a good guy haha. I know it was my fault. I got into my own head. My mum went to see a medium and she said that my parter had cheated and would again, so I got my back up and read too much into messages when nothing was going on. I realised pretty quickly I had blown up over nothing but by then a lot of damage had been done

OP posts:
Bekiboom · 30/10/2023 02:05

For anyone curious LIZS was right! It turned out he was cheating. I forgot to post the update. Weirdly he got the girl he cheated on me with from work pregnant and they started a family and ended up with 2 kids there. He then cheated on her too and now we are besties and have a great time nattering away and taking all the kids out together. Me and my ex are actually for the most part surprisingly good at coparenting

OP posts:
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