How do you cope with partner working away with young kids

[Acalavero]

Since getting this new job three years ago my dp will work away often. It's gotten much more in the last year. I'm struggling to cope ... I don't know what else I can do, just wondering if any other MNtr is going through this any advice? How do you cope? Not just with the sole responsibility of running the house/children etc but also the trust aspect.

He has gone away for two weeks constant this month and next month will be 3! It's seems to much more and often
They're given quite plush hotels and meal allowances so basically they're encouraged to go out and socialise with team. I think I just feel lonely and excluded. It sounds silly but in the past few months he's spent more time with his colleagues than with me and the kids? Can relationships survive this? I just don't think he seems that interested it's hard to say but the only way I can put it is he seems to prefer being away and socialising than being at home with me and the kids I know he loves his job but I'm really struggling...

Sorry to hear that. My partner works away frequently but there are no trust issues, so the main problems are when I need more support (have chronic health issues) and the feeling that DP is missing out when our child does something.

I would suggest you need to sort out the trust stuff most pressingly as this could end the relationship and could even be a problem in a home-based job. Does he understand how hard it is? Is he ever left to run the kids and house alone? I also occasionally travel so my partner is aware how tough it can be and tries to do as much as possible in absentia (e.g. paying bills, doing meal planning and setting up an online shopping delivery for it).

MY partner works away sometimes, but it doesn’t cross my mind to think he could be cheating
Your trust issues are a separate issue to him working away
Has he given you reason not to trust him in the past?

@ArkAtEee

Thanks for your response, so glad younknow where I'm coming from, no this is it! He doesn't have any idea as he is never alone with the children I'm always there
Like you I also feel he misses out on a lot and put 1 year old dd is not close to him at all so when he is here she always wants me
I think the trust thing has been mentioned so many times but it always comes down to "it's my job n there's nothing he can do"

@PurplePepperEater

Yes he has done and I also have GAD which doesn't help
Do u feel ur partner prefers working away? Maybe because I get this vibe from him I feel like he could be living a single life whilst he away

How old are your children? I used to find it very hard when mine were smaller - eg baby and a preschooler, toddler and a 4/5 year old - no one to share the sleepless nights with, one would inevitable get ill etc. I find it much easier now they are bigger (4 and 8 years). We have a routine and I work part time so it’s not much of a readjustment for school drop off and pick ups. I don’t feel like DH prefers being away, if anything he’s tired of planes and jet lag! I also travel 4-5 times a year and don’t particularly enjoy that either. So I guess I don’t envy it. But as I said, when the kids were younger and more challenging I definitely did!!

My husband used to travel away for weeks at a time, and it was hard work, especially after we had our DS. We always trusted each other though - he was going out with his work mates a few nights a week but I couldn't expect him to stay in his hotel room doing nothing just because I was at home with our DS. When he'd get back from his work trips he'd always make sure I had opportunities to go out with my friends to make up for the time stuck at home. You should definitely have a chat with him if you're feeling that you can't trust him - if he knows you're worried then maybe he can find a way to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about? Or make sure you have set times when he's away when you can talk to each other so you know he's OK and you can share any worries with him.
My husband doesn't wrk away much any more and when he does it's for a week at most rather than several weeks, but I do remember how hard it is.

No, he doesn't prefer working away, he dislikes it. It's easier now DC is older (still only KS1 age, but not baby/nursery anymore). There are things he can do to lighten the load even while away, think about what those might be for you and ask him to do them.

Your trust issues are separate to the issue of being left at home with the kids. My DH works away and it’s never once occurred to me that he might cheat. It’s a crap situation and I’m jealous because he gets to wear nice clothes and eat peacefully in restaurants, and have drinks and adult conversations with people, and enjoy a full nights sleep followed by a shower all on his own. I haven’t had any of those things for years and sometimes I’m so jealous and resentful I feel like I hate him. But I’ve never thought of him cheating. Perhaps you need to explore more deeply why you feel you can’t trust your DP?

Just to suggest what he can do while away, since so many things can be done on the internet/over email now:
Pay for children's school trip/activities/household bills
Organise a cleaner/gardener/window cleaner/builder etc
Plan meals and book food shop
Get hotel to do his laundry before he comes home
And so on...

But I think you need to have a long talk about why you don't trust him and how he can help with that - maybe checking on with you more frequently?

I don't know about the relationship side but if you are worried about the relationship he will have with his kids when he's not at home a lot DONT! I'm a child of a working away dad and it's never once affected any of us. Work came first so that we could have all the amazing things we wanted as kids -toys, holidays etc..- We only saw him on weekends as his job took him away every week and my parents relationship is the most solid one I know. - married 37years- I'm sure it's hard atm but as long as you trust him you'll find your swing and it will all be ok. Remember he's doing this to give you the live he thinks you deserve

Mine works away for weeks at a time so I understand where you are coming from. The trust thing does really come into it as he is on a ship with just other men. They rarely get off and when they do they just go to a local for a few pints. To be honest I would suggest (if you have the childcare available) that you find a new course or hobby where you get to socialize more? Do you work? What age are your DC?

Do you work @Acalavero? You might feel less left out if you had more of your own independent life?