He deletes some messages now I cannot get it out of my head

[Nothappy16]

So he deleted messages from a particular girl at work. I noticed she wasn’t in his message list at all and it cane up in an argument so I asked. Long storey short she’s attractive they get on and he thought it was better to delete them then risk upsetting me as he thought I wouldn’t like it. I have attractive male colleagues and we can text and I never think to delete them. He knows it was stupid and has apologised but I am struggling to get over it. I’m just doubting things now. I don’t think he would of cheated at all but I still feel it’s crossed a line. How do I just move on and not worry about this?

I would question that. I'm not saying anything is happening, it would create doubt in my mind

Maybe explain to him by saying, he has no need to delete them. It makes you question why he has, when he does

Exactly. I have said those exact words and I know he feels stupid. But i’m struggling with it and my own insecurity

@Nothappy16 understandable, maybe if he shows you any texts going forward. It's not a great idea to start doing that. But just to ease your mind.

It's hard to trust when doubt has been planted. But he has to try also

I completely understand why you feel as you do. You can only go with your gut feeling

I am trying just to wait until this feeling passes but it’s reakky driving me crazy. I hate being in this position

I am fairly sure you posted about this before saying you regularly check his devices due to your own jealousy issues and lack of trust in him.

If not, you were checking his device and you were specifically looking for messages from this woman. So you have a jealousy issue about their friendship that could be founded or unfounded. The problem is your behaviour in controlling his phone and communications is just making the situation for you worse.

He knows you check his phone. He knows you will kick off at him if you find something you could be jealous of. He knows you don’t want him speaking to her. So whether he is having innocent conversations or discussions about an affair, he is going to get the same reaction. Even if there are no messages.

That reaction is to get jealous and confront him until he tells you something that provides you with justification. You aren’t really searching for the truth. You are searching for proof he is a cheat and this is really all that with satisfy you. You have gone past the point we’re you want to trust or even can trust him. Whether he is cheating or not.

I would leave you if you were checking my phone.

I have checked his phone twice in around a year maybe longer. The reason being he talked about a work meal and didn’t mention this person going at first and only at the time and in that conversation something felt off. Hence I checked the phone and noticed on the message list her name wasn’t there. I then wondered why and asked him about this. He then said he had deleted messages from her. If it was deleting messages generally fine but he only did it for her messages