Feeling unloved 😔

[user1122]

So I have been with my other half for 14 years, we have a mortgage kids and a dog ....only thing missing . Marriage
When we were younger we both said it wasn’t something we were bothered about but as iv gotten older something has changed , I make a lot of effort for us to spend time together organised weekends for us and always show affection it’s always me that makes the first move in the bedroom too, I do believe he loves me but I don’t think he loves me the way I love him ,
When I tell him how I feel he says I’m being silly , I tell him how I feel about marriage n he says yeah and nods along but that’s it , what can I do ,I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but if he doesn’t want to get married does that mean he doesn’t feel the same ???

He can love you more than you love him yet still not want to marry you. His right to not want to get married, is as valid as yours in wanting too.
If sticking to the status quo isn’t doing it for you, you are going to have to make a big decision.
Good luck

If you judge extent of feelings by marriage then perhaps you need to look a bit more at that belief. Half of marriages end in divorce I believe. Wedding means expense not necessarily depth of feeling
Only you and he know if you have a good solid relationship. A wedding doesn't change that

Ask him outright

"Will you marry me?" And see what he says.

Would you be happy with a very low key ceremony? If so, tell him you want to be married and that you can just book the register office and go down there one day. Watch his reaction.

Yes I understand that, but you could see my point of thinking ? At the end of the day I love him and will never be without him so marriage wouldn’t be make or break but my heart wants it so bad it would mean so much to me , I wonder why he doesn’t feel the same for me

I get it OP, but I think once you have kids outside of marriage the impetus to marry is often lost. You could always propose to him?

Yes it’s not about the wedding at all , it’s about the marriage, I don’t care for the big expensive day dress n all the fuss iv told him that as I worried that was scaring him

I could ask him but I feel I put so much into the relationship, and don’t get a lot back would it be too much to want him to ask me ?

No, it's not too much to ask, but you may be waiting forever. If you want it to come to a head and be resolved one way or another, I'd do the asking. After all- the marriage is more important than how it comes about, as you say.

Did a big long reply which didn't post- in summary, he can't give you what you need- leave now.n

I can’t imagine life without him 💔

@user....me too. That's why I spent the best part of 23 years feeling like shit, second best, unloved and basically not me.
I am now almost 55 and staring over. I so wish I had left when I was younger . But even being that bit older, I can see how toxic he was, how he never made me feel special and basically that I deserve more from a partner...as does everyone!:

It's not you....It's him xv

If it’s a case of having him but knowing that we will never be married then that’s just something I need to deal with but how do you stop yourself wanting something like that, I get so jealous when people say they are engaged I can’t seem to get over it

Thank you, I suffer from depression and I know that can very often make you feel unloved and you push people away , I know he loves me but I just need more affection more care more thoughtfulness, he feels he gives me this but I’m negative because of the depression

User....you can't.. I spent more than 20 years trying to get my H to show me love, make me feel like I was his priority, that we were 50-50 in the relationship. Guess what.....it never happened cos all the time I thought i was not good enough for him, really, he was not good enough for me!!
You deserve better

So long as you're protected financially, your name on the house deeds, you've got pension arrangements sorted out etc. it doesn't really matter. (I know my DP would marry me like a flash if I wanted it, but I dont.) How about a civil partnership?