I do really know how to pitch this but I'm really unhappy and not sure what to do about it.
For background DH and I have been married 12 years and have a 7-month-old DS. DS is medium to high needs - EBF, has eczema and reflux, doesn't cry but is constantly sick. Get through about 8 bibs and several muslins a day and at least 2 full outfit changes (inc vest) for him and me everyday. This makes a lot of washing and a lot of organising if we go anywhere and takes up a lot of time doing the changing and cleaning floors, toys and furniture. I've been very unwell since giving birth, crippling joint pain, low blood pressure and dizzy spells feeling spacey - Gp not interested. So Life is full on.
To most, it seems DP is helpful but he's a busy fool, he spends time doing stuff that doesn't need doing, doesn't communicate with me about what might be most helpful, ignores my requests for things which might be helpful if he doesn't agree. Or goes the long way about things.
Example - seemed very busy all day Sun and told me he was doing all DS’s washing. He’d done it but then must have spent an age hanging up about 20 babies grows each on hangers with the toes turned out - as apparently they don't dry if you don't do this. We have a tumble dryer and I have asked him time and time again not to do this as they can all go straight in the dryer, the room he hangs them in is the guest bedroom and he switches the radiator off in there to save money so they take days to dry and end up crispy and hard on.DS’s skin. This was in addition to towels and vests etc. Meanwhile there's loads of bulbs out in the light fittings in DH’s room - Victorian house high celings, to short at 5’4 to reach, has been for weeks, I bought a wall light to put over changing table in Nov - he’s still not put it up. I need it as it's in a dingy corner and struggle to see properly to put DS’s eczema cream on when it's dark. Also There's been a horrible drainey smell and drain flies in the house for weeks and he's said he can't smell anything. Finally admitted on Fri that it needs clearing outside, he can don't just hasn't had time. Asked him if he wanted me to call someone and said I was so upset it had got into that state and the flies with DS and he’d made it out like I was going mad and he just sloped off and muttered something about it being full of my hair anyway. If i’d have known I could have organised someone to come out and look.
He's also incredibly tight so leaves things to get into a state always does things on the cheap and this tightness costs him time because all though we do our shopping online he insists on buying things from other random places and spends at least 3 evenings a week popping out after dinner to get cat food which is a couple of quid cheaper! This would make sense if we were on the breadline but we shouldn't be. We have a successful business.
I suppose the caveat to this might interns of time might be that he is very busy with this successful business and works most evenings and at the weekends however despite this there is never any money. The house is literally falling to bits so many things are broken or unfinished. But whenever I try and broach it all I get is bills the house.
I'm honestly at my whits end with it all.
We used to have a lovely house but now it just feels like a student hovel. I'm trying to do more but just don't have much time left after looking after DS and trying to make sure I'm showered and fed and a lot of things I struggle with because of my mobility.
I've tried to say something but I just get a) I could be doing more b) he's doing his best c) ’I don't have time’ and am left feeling like I'm being men or having a go.
How do I get him to have at least a discussion with me and then come up with something that changes things