Worried this is gaslighting

[babayjane67]

Hi all
Have posted about my dp before few weeks ago.sorry I don't know how to link it.
Yesterday I couldn't find my keys.i looked in all the usual places.coat pockets,bag,the side they're usually put on&they're nowhere! I even checked at my mum's as that was last time I used my keys was when I went there on Saturday.even asked dp to check in the car though just in case the d dropped out in there.when he came home he said there was no point as they wouldn't be there.
So fast forward a couple of hrs.i still don't know what I've done with them!dp goes out in the kitchen.i can hear him mooching about then 10 mins later he comes bk holding the keys up!I say great where did u find them?in yr coat pocket he says! Knew they'd be somewhere silly like that!
I said I've looked in all my pockets 3 times &felt nothing! He was chuckling at me&making a mmm typical u type face&making a joke out of it which is fine BUT I looked in all my pockets 3 times&there is no way I would have missed them!! I took things out moved things around&there was nothing key like in that pocket! I even experimented this morn to see if I could have poss missed them but I felt them&couldn't have mistaken them for anything else!
So now I'm feeling bit weird about it&wondering if he's gaslighted me or am I just over reacting!
I know I am forgetful at times&I have been known to lose my keys then he's found them in the kitchen drawer with the dog lead BUT that time I didn't think of looking there!other things have happn d in the past things that I know he's told me or I've told him but he swears he/I didn't!other things gone missing then he finds them.
I don't know what to think!

What is your gut feeling?

Believe your own senses. You felt in that pocket, you looked in that pocket and the keys weren't there.

If you feel he is capable of gaslighting you that’s a sign that you don’t fully trust him, don’t make the mistake myself and other women make and ignore these red flags. End things now before this escalates into an abusive relationship, you deserve better than this.

I have different opinion BUT I haven't read your other thread.

If this happened to me i would assume that I had missed it, because I was looking while worried. Not that dp had hid it and was trying to convince me I am mad.

BUT (Again is a big but) my exh would have done something like this. I trust Dp that he isn't this sort of person.

This is the sort thing that people on the internet can't call.

Can you give an overview of the problems you are having?

This sort of thing happens to me all the time and the difference is I know its not DH. The fact you think it is suggests you know he can't be trusted.

If this happened to me I'd blame myself because I wouldn't imagine DP would ever dream of doing anything like that
The fact that you're asking says there are issues that go beyond this but it's not something Mumsnet can answer unfortunately!

I haven't read your other thread but what other things does he do to make you feel like this could be him?

Ask him to show you specifically where next time, as in physically show you which pocket and how he found them. Then you'll know you either missed/forgot a pocket OR know that you checked that specific pocket and it was empty.

It's hard to say if he's trying to gaslight you or not, but, if I were you I'd try and 'test' my partner another time by making a mental note of where I'd left my keys/purse/whatever, just to see if they 'suddenly vanished' before he just happened to find them.

Thanks for the replies.
Boys I think u made some comments on my other thread.not all together helpful ones as I seem to remember.i will try&find my other post in a minute&comment in it so it comes bk up.dojt know how else to do it really.
We have a few problems in our relationship.lack of communication,lack of any intimacy,being a bit scared of talking to him about any probs because he either ignores it or gets defensive raises his voice&turns it bk on me.
Our 11yr old DD is also talking to me in the same manner at times though she will say sorry when I call her out on it.sue just thinks thats how she should talk cuz that's how he talks I guess.im guilty of doing the same to him really.like getting bk at him.we bicker alot.
I don't know whether this is just me being daft or not as I can be sometimes.

I found the other post&commented on it so u can now see it.

OP I can't see one. What's the title?

I found it and now remember it. I am sorry you found my comments unhelpful.

I wholeheartedly disagrees agreed with you and your reasononing on that issue. Which I believe is allowed.

Not sure why you needed to bring that up at all or what how helpful you found me on that thread has anything to do with this one.

Bus I just remembered yr name from the last post&that they weren't very helpful comments.nothing against u personally I don't know u!lol of course disagreeing is allowed!lol

StealthPolarBear

This sort of thing happens to me all the time and the difference is I know its not DH. The fact you think it is suggests you know he can't be trusted.

This

But is it just me though!? If I told anyone in RL they'd prob say I was being stupid!maybe I should just pull up my big girl pants &sort it out with him one way or another cuz I'm up &down with how I feel about him all the time!! I prob sound like a raving looney!!