Are parents proud of their children or is this not normal?

[me1234567]

OH and his mum don't really speak anymore, not for the want of OH trying.
We were trying to get to the bottom of the issues the other evening when we were informed by the family member that we were talking to that his mum said we think we are better than her since we moved but basically we aren't we are two council estate children who are pretending and this is apparently one of the reasons she wont visit.
I know I should ignore this comment but its bugging me because OH, her only child works damn hard for anything he has. Yes he's bought a nice house on a new build estate in a nicer area than we both grew up in but we are far from snobs but wanted somewhere nice for our children to grow up. We are probably the poorest on the estate and just about get by.
I'm just confused by it all because I thought parents were normally proud of their children?

That’s a very very strange attitude. I would assume it stems from insecurity and possibly that the relationship had problems before this happened

Strange attitude indeed but its her issue and not yours to deal with.
No point either trying to get to the bottom of it, you will not get a straight answer nor an apology or acknowledgement of any wrong doing. I would also think your man's and his mother's relationship has been troubled for a long time.

Ignore all such comments in particular made by this flying monkey (a flying monkey is a well meaning but very easily manipulated person sent in by the person concerned to do their bidding for them. Flying monkeys are not interested in hearing your side of things and only act in their own self interest. Their opinion therefore should be ignored).

Hard to say without knowing what their relationship was like beforehand. If it was never very good then it’s likely there’s some element of insecurity, envy, perhaps even feeling threatened by her son’s success, which wipes out any parental pride. However, if you have actually said to people “we moved because we wanted to bring our children up somewhere nice” then there may be a perceived undertone of “unlike you, MIL, who didn’t care enough about your children to live somewhere nice”, which isn’t going to endear you. Only you know which is really is.

Racecardriver, she used to visit our first home, (small terrace on busy main road) but not as often as his dad. There would always be some excuse or the other and would often only visit if OH picked her up and ran her home the same day (which pre children, long work hours and distance we lived away from her then was doable, we now live alot further, have childrens activities, parties etc at weekend but she is more than welcome to visit for a weekend)
Thanks Atilia yes, possibly troubled prior to our children being born, his mum used to be a gambler and when OH lived at home he would often be helping out financially. Actually writing that line maybe I now know why she is is the way she is.
Comtessdespair no never actually said it to people, it was more for the point of trying to explain that OH worked very hard over the last 10 years to be where he is.

Parenthood doesn't turn people into ideal human beings unfortunately.
She's obviously got her own insecurity/self esteem/jealousy issues and is choosing to project them onto her son to make herself feel better or justify herself in some way.
I suggest your dp talk to her about how she's making him feel but i doubt it will do much good.

My own mother is wonderful in so many ways but she's also manipulative, controlling and abusive in her own way.
I've no doubt she's proud of me/my achievements in her own way - but she will never show it or say it.
I had to run away from home due to my brother trying to kill me, on top of this we have the cultural aspect of daughters not leaving the parents home unless married or in a coffin.
I get this thrown in my face whenever it suits her - "You left the family therefore you have no say in what happens here"
I spent 4 years in another city - she never visited me.
I then moved 10 minutes drive from her house and lived there for 8 years - she never visited me. When i pushed for an answer - "You don't have your 'own home' unless you're married" Inference being that she won't visit me until i get married (i refused an arranged marriage and am still happily single in my late 30's).
Now i've moved 3 hours away, she still hasn't visited.
We had an argument on the phone the other week because she wouldn't allow me to express an opinion on a family matter, she actually said to me "you've moved all the way up there so you've got no right to have a say in what goes on here".
The argument was in relation to child safeguarding issues.

I accepted a long tome ago that i will never have the kind of mother i'd like.
It took a long - and hurtful- time to come to terms with this abandonment (cos that's exactly how it feels to me) and put boundaries in place.

She is capable of being 'normal' though as she goes over and beyond when it comes to supporting the other siblings and showing how proud she is of them.

I mean to add -
Whilst my mum may be proud of me in her own way, she ill never say it or show it.
She also resents me for having 'escaped' the shitty abusive household i grew up - because she hasn't.
She resents my freedom and independence. She's never really had that herself.
She could if she really wanted to though as she does have the support and funds in place but she chooses not to......yet will sarcastically throw all this in my face when i assert my boundaries or refuse to do as she says.

We had exactly this issue with MIL when we bought our current house.

She'd achieved her dream home by that time too, but we'd done it much younger and she felt she'd struggled more to get there. Instead of being thrilled for us, as my parents were, she was vile about how undeserving we were. I've always suspected she suffers with depression but there's never been a diagnosis.

I think it’s something to do with them not being able to relate to you so well now. That seems to be my family... they want me to be like them because that’s what they understand and are comfortable with

we have this from my inlaws - they sneer at what we have and badmouth us at every opportunity to their tiher sons - we have 'more money than sense', we are 'show offs', even our frying pans are made with elements of diamonds. Our children are 'spoilt'.

My huband works very hard for what we have (as do i but he is a higher earner), he has sacrificed year and years to climb up the ladder, he married late, had children late etc. Its their own insecurity - they could never afford to give their children what we have given ours, but the jealousy and vitriol towards us is abhorent.

OP me and my DH are in exactly the same situation. Both dragged up, but we want more for our DC and have moved to a nice area. We are faking it until we make it. Every decision I make is wrong. If I visit my DM and close the living room door so my DS doesn’t get second hand smoke, I’m a snob. I turned vegetarian when I was 12, snob. We are saving for a mortgage, snob. Have a savings account for DC, snob. Won’t let him watch hours of tv, snob. When we did BLW I was practically accused of child abuse through my snobbery.

My DSis confessed I make her feel inferior. It’s bizarre. I don’t judge their parenting/life choices. I have just stopped trying and started focusing on our future instead.

Cantstopmenow I want to give you a big hug, it sounds like your mum isn't the most nicest!
Bestseller exactly, his dad is really proud of him and also sees how hard he works for me and the girls.
Thanks for all the replies, its helped me possibly understand what one of the issues is. I may be wrong but I think OH not being controlled by her (ex husband was and probably still is) and catering for his children and spending money on for them and the outgoing of a larger home means he can't bail her out like he's done in the past.

Jealousy? My mum is jealous of me. She was a smart women in 1950s Australia whose only option was marriage, teaching or nursing.

My choices were a lot more open and boy is she pissed I am not living my life how she would.

We have the same problems with MIL. It's mean and petty. For us it's because she no longer has control over what DH does. So because she hasn't been involved in him getting to where he is it just isn't worth discussing unless it's to be negative about it.