Does it ever get better?

[Missbee90]

Poated on here a few times and received amazing support, just really struggling at the moment.

Long story short, my childhood “sweetheart” left me 7 months ago, a year after marrying me and after 11 years together. He claimed he had been fighting his feelings for months (despite not telling me once he was unhappy or doubting our relationship) and basically pretended to be happier than ever and then one night got in to bed with me and told me he didn’t love me anymore (he had messaged me that same day at work calling me his perfect wifey and saying how much he loved me).

I’ve filed for divorce and bought him out the marital home and have done my best to go NC but he will always find a way or excuse to some how speak to me every few weeks and I end up in tears all over again.. he’s got a girlfriend and I know his tears are just guilt because of how he’s treated me.

I blocked him months ago and now don’t answer unknown numbers or numbers I don’t recognise so hoping that stops any contact.

I just can’t see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment, he’s the last thing I think about and the first thing I think about and I feel like after 7 months I should feel better than I do. I’m seeing a counseller but not sure it’s helping.

I keep blaming myself.. despite him saying he left me because he couldn’t give me what I wanted (despite never making clear what that was and because he “needed to be single and sort himself out” .. all I ever wanted was love and commitment!) and obsessively thinking that he will be everything I wanted him to be to his new girlfriend and that if I’d done X or Y he wouldn’t have left me.

I really did think I was going to be with this man forever, we had a good life and I thought a good relationship .. our wedding pictures from 18 months ago scream love and happiness.. none of it makes any sense to me.

I just want to be able to heal and move on with my life, I’m 28 and know I’ve got so many years ahead of me.. just breaks my heart that someone else can make him happier than I did and I can’t ever imagine being with someone else... 😢

It's an awful situation OP but don't let yourself be his puppet because he's trying to keep you on a little string that he can pull to make himself feel better. Don't engage. It sounds like you're doing a great job with blocking unknown numbers and seeking counselling. It will get better. I was with my ex for 11 years and he left me for someone else whilst I was vulnerable and recovering from an accident. I'd also lent him a large sum of money for a car. He would have already have been having an emotional affair by then. Leave him to it. 5 years on I'm married to someone else with a new baby. He is still with OW.

Get yourself back out meeting people. Dating really helped me and actually as soon as I was casually seeing someone else my ex stopped contacting me.

I know how you're feeling. I married my childhood sweetheart (we got together at 14) when I was 21. We had a good life over the years, or so I thought, and 2 gorgeous children, but suddenly one day he asked if I was happy? He told me he wasn't, and he didn't know if he loved me anymore. That was it, he left that night and we divorced 3 years later. We were 36 when it happened and I honestly thought I'd never get through it, the shock alone nearly killed me. However, 6 years on and I'm happily engaged to someone else, and my ex is living with his girlfriend. I am now over it and have been for years, although I'll always feel something for him as we grew up together, were best friends and he's the father of my children, but there's no romantic feelings there at all.

Sadly it's a process you have to go through and some days it will seem impossible, but I PROMISE you it gets better. Don't pressure yourself to be 'ok' let the tears flow, then dust yourself down and go and do something to take your mind off it for a while. You'll be ok

Thank you so much ladies, can only hope it starts to get easier xx