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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bully joining team

3 replies

JudyOha · 11/02/2019 21:32

Hi all,
When I first started at work, there was a girl who was an absolutely awful bully right from the start. She asked me questions about my educational background etc. and after that, she'd always be very rude - refuse to train me, would tell me to go and sit elsewhere, scowl at me, etc. She claimed that people in her old workplace bullied her and it's just the way things are - some people just dislike certain people but she'd make a better effort but she would still exclude me in everything. The bullying was so bad, I was nearly in teas. I was then moved to another team and fortunately, things became soo much better and was able to really make progress with work.

Then, a year later now, some vacancies have cropped up and she's applying for it from the other department.....She's the type of bully who seems like the sweetest kindest girl on the outside, quite small and always tries to make friends, easily cries to make herself look innocent when confronted and gets everyone on side, always smiley etc. Since I moved teams, we rarely spoke but she'd pretend to be nice recently esp in front of other people like complimenting me etc. but I know she can put on an act and now, considering she's applying in this team, it makes sense why she'd pretend even more so.

It's esp annoying as she's the type who will constantly be talking at meetings, etc. she rarely does anyone work and doesn't have a good educational background yet seems as if she is bright (one of those "all talk" people) whereas I'm not the type to talk endlessly and dominate meetings like she would.I'm a people pleaser, probably too nice and smiley (genuinely so, unlike her) but find it difficult to fake a nice act like she can - I'm fairly neutral with her when she's "nice" to me now. I suppose it's easier for her to act nice as I haven't actually been horrible to her and she just bullied me because I was an easy target and out of jealousy. Whereas, on my end, it's a lot harder to just put a nice act when I know she consciously bullied me for no reason before.

Also, I find confrontations, etc. very difficult - I get teary and panicky and start talking too much, most of what isn't even useful/relevant or over the top for the situation. Yet, in terms of educational background etc mine is superior to hers but she seems to have more confidence..!

I don't even know she'll get the position but how would you handle this if you were me? I really like my job and the rest of the people in general.

Thank you

OP posts:
pococops · 11/02/2019 21:52

I feel your pain OP. Try not to take it personally, remain neutral, have boundaries and stand up to her, it's the only way. I'm your type personality and have come across similar, you have to show her you're standing up to her. Chances are she'll move onto someone else, as most bullies do. If she gets the job,nip it in the bud and decide yourself you're not going to let it get to you. If you have specific examples, take note and speak to your line manager. Remain professional with her, don't engage with others 're chatting about her

noego · 11/02/2019 22:41

Have a read of Grey Rock. Just google it. It will come up. It is a method of dealing with these types of people.

NotTheFordType · 11/02/2019 23:32

I may have missed this but would she be in your line management?

If no - yeah who cares
If yes - Chris Gralying is about to get sacked, so whoops

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