What would it mean if you did this?

[MrsSiddon]

Gave back love letters and romantic gifts from your XH when you packed up his stuff for him to collect?

It's not something I'd do. I'd either keep them or burn bin them depending on the circumstances.

By 'not mine to destroy' I am including things like an expensive valentines card I bought him with a small watercolour painting I knew he liked, programmes for shows we went to, two wedding cards from his deceased uncles, holiday photos, any photo with him in it. I don't really want them but he might.

If I did it it might be to remind them of what we had/that they had been loved/what they did/because I would think they would want them for some reason. If I didn’t care about them anymore I would just chuck the letters out. But I can imagine some people would do it out of spite to prove they don’t care or something.

I did this exact same thing almost 20 years ago to my ex. He was my first love and our break up was very traumatic on both sides.

I did it for a couple of reasons. For one, I just couldn't physically have them in my possession anymore. It pained me to do so and I didn't have anywhere to put them. I thought he was much stronger than me me emotionally, so I thought he could handle it.

Another reason I did it was to show that everything that he ever gave me, in the space of a 6 1/2 yr relationship, either purchased or made, could easily fit into a medium sized box. I realize that now, that it was a very petty thing to do, but I was still very angry and hurt at the time. He would easily spend money on friends for a round of drinks that cost $80.00 and I only received flowers once the entire time we were together and they were half-dead. I spoiled him constantly with gifts that were both bought ( and I wasn't rolling in it, believe me!) and handmade and although I know that you should give and not expect anything back, it is a little hard to accept when it feels like your boyfriend is spoiling everyone around him except you.

The last reason is because I felt, that even still through all the shit that we had been through that we would always love each other. Because of that, I felt that my love letters would be safe with him and that I would eventually get them back one day. I even mixed all of the love letters up to force him to put them back together. To get him to read it and realize that at one time we were good once. Silly, I know. Unfortunately, he never did send them back, so I misjudged that one.

Looking back, I wish I hadn't done it. It was all very young and dramatic, and now I don't have anything but my memories and one video and a couple of family photos to remind me that he even existed.

So, to answer your question, OP, I think she loved him a great deal. Although, I think the bigger question is why you are concerning yourself with an old flame? Unless she's actively pursuing him now, I wouldn't concern myself with it. Your husband has a right to his own private memories just like you do. If my DH had a box of things from his exes it wouldn't concern me. He had a life before me and I respect that, just as I would expect him to respect me having a past.

the only time I've done this was when I was finally done with the sociopath ex. Because from experience I knew that if I didn't he'd keep on coming around here saying he wanted his letters back, or he wanted his photos back, or he wanted back the necklace he gave me in Tewkesbury etc etc. Like he did whenever we'd broken up in the past. I'd always beg him to let me keep them, for the memories etc.

So when I was truly done, I chucked them out with his stuff so he had less excuses to try to contact me.

I don’t think it matters what she meant by giving him back this stuff.

I’d bing them in the tip and be done.

Bung not bing 🤦‍♀️
Autotext

An ex returned everything I'd given him....expect the expensive watch. Summed him up really. I threw my wedding ring in the sea when my divorce was finalised and I felt like I was finally over it. It was significant to me - it felt like a huge weight had lifted

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of ‘musing’, you can safely ignore the posts accusing you of...whatever...🙄

I think, as you can see from all the posts, that it very much depends on the person. One persons ‘to hurt him/her’ is another persons ‘because I hurt to much to keep them’. It could also have been accidental.

I wouldn’t read anything into what he chooses to do with them either.

I’m massively sentimental, so I couldn’t throw things like that away, just in case she wanted them back and also reading them would remind me of how I felt st the time.

I have a few bits and pieces given to ex’s that must have got mixed in with things they gave to me and they interest me more in many ways than the things they gave me. Not because I pine for them, just because it’s interesting to read & remember how I’ve felt over the years. I’d like to have more of mine back.

I’d bing them in the tip and be done

Do you mean in the OP’s position or her boyfriends?

I think if I did this, it would be to reassure the ex that nothing he had ever written to me would resurface and embarrass him. One of my exes wrote very...detailed letters and I can imagine not wanting those to be possibly be seen by other people.

Having said that, my last ex boyfriend was dumped over 25 years ago, and what I'd do now is very different to what I wanted to do then!

I think the person who returned them is hurting alot.

Its a bit like saying 'take back the love you gave me'.

Im not saying uts right but people are nit their rationsle selves when it comes to love and break ups

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of ‘musing’, you can safely ignore the posts accusing you of...whatever... thanks Incredibly I am one for a good old bit of musing

I left this thread for a while as I was reminded of why I don't often post - people don't read the OP properly, start projecting etc etc and I feel compelled (because that's the way I am - my problem!) to re-explain and answer irrelevant questions!

Anyway, here goes, I'm going to respond to a few points and restrain myself from the rest:

• By 'not mine to destroy' I am including things like an expensive valentines card I bought him with a small watercolour painting I knew he liked It's exactly the opposite of this - it's romantic gifts HE bought HER e.g. book of love poetry inscribed by him (presumably with something lovey dovey - I didn't read it, he binned it).

• Unless she's actively pursuing him now, I wouldn't concern myself with it. I wouldn't concern myself with that - he's with me whether she was 'actively pursuing him' or not.

• It's not that I'm bothered he's kept stuff to do with an ex a) it's not about him b) it wouldn't bother me in the least c) he hasn't 'kept it' yet, it's waiting for him to finish sorting out, it's only been a couple of weeks.

I think she's still upset/angry and it's a PA way of trying to get at him or even me (?) or both of us - I don't know. I know he left her and she didn't accept it for a long while, maybe still hasn't. She was very upset when he told her he was seeing someone and that was well over a year after they split. It's sad really. I hope she's able to move on now that his stuff is all gone and he's out of her life. (No kids and he's moved away from where they lived).