Extended family

[Tubbycat]

So I have gone NC with F for a number of reasons.
Since then I am struggling to speak to any of his side of the family? I just don't want to talk to them about F or about things that have happened in the past or even what's going on now
They keep trying to contact me, and I feel bad but can't face talking to them either.
I feel misunderstood and judged. I also know they all talk to each other about me and I don't really want to open the forum up.
I am feeling very vulnerable and can't cope with having my life scrutinised and gossiped about.

Bump

Anyone? X

How much contact did you have with them before, was it a close relationship or just occasional contact? Was your Father involved in it, ie did you see them at the same time?

It's very difficult. Because they may be trying to continue the relationship with you without your father's involvement, or, they may be taking on the role of flying monkeys. What is your gut feeling on this?

They want me to have him in my life, because they don't understand my reasons. They treat me as though I am being a difficult teenager. But I am a grown adult. They seem unable to have a relationship with me on a 1:1 basis. It's like I either opt in to all of it or none of it. And they listen to his perception of me based on who I was as a teenager, not taking me as the person I am now.
He constantly lets me down and upsets me and then pretends I'm the one overreacting, using my mental health as the reason. It's all like "well obviously Tubby is oversensitive/a bit crazy/highly strung"
I have realised he has been gaslighting me for years. He thinks incredibly lowly of me and says things to put me down. Then he makes out it's a joke. And they think it's just teasing from my F. A bit of banter. I don't care if he's intentionally bullying me or it's just his personality. It's not an excuse. He doesn't have a diagnosis of anything and he has got worse not better.
I think the worst thing is him denying my disability and letting down my DCs, his DGCs.
Then when I see his side of the family, I get asked why I'm not seeing him. Even if I explain I'm NC they still tell him they've seen me, what we did, what we talked about etc. Then he gets in contact to say that x said they saw me etc. And that that is still my email address/phone number.

We have been NC on and off for a decade.

It sounds as though the extended family aren't bringing anything of value to your life at the moment. Are you able to go NC with them? Or at least low contact?

Sometimes physical space is needed to make the break easier. How close to you live to your father and your extended family You say you have DC, how old are they? Do you have a partner?

It is also easier to break away from family if you have something to replace it with. But if you come from a dysfunctional family, frequently you can find it hard to make strong friendships. It's a skill that is hard to learn when you're family teaches you the opposite. Do you have any friends that you could lean on a bit? Make a new circle of people who love you and your DC for what you are? (rather than what they want/expect you to be!)