How to cope with a two week family visit??

[lul37]

My mum is coming over from abroad to visit me for two weeks. She was anxious about traveling on her own so she suggested if she could bring my brother with her. I said that's fine as he's uni aged and won't be much trouble at all.

Unfortunately there was a strong chance that his visa wouldn't come thru in time, so somehow my sister and her two toddlers are now coming along instead with my mum. They have booked for two weeks, although I have hinted to my mum that it might be too overwhelming for everyone. But she keeps insisting it's better this way. That she's so excited and not to worry about sleeping arrangements and all that.

I love my sister to bits but I also have two kids myself and we recently just moved house a few months ago , I have just bought new furniture and everything and now wished I hadn't bothered so soon.

Am just starting to panic now on how this trip will pan out for everyone and if it will be too much for two entire weeks, will we get on each others nerves as we always do eventually. Plus 4 kids under 10 in the house, should I just accept my house is going to get wrecked!!

On top of that my brothers visa has come thru, my mum is overjoyed and is already planning a family reunion at my house for everyone when he can also come join us. She wants my other brother to fly out with his wife so we can all celebrate my mother's birthday together.

Any tips on how to survive family guests? I will try to organize as many outdoor activities but am just hoping I can get thru it in one piece without losing my cool!

Mum gets the spare room. Brother at a pinch can stay in study (beg?) sister and 2 kids surely need to stay in a hotel !!

@RainbowWaffles my other DB and SIL will be staying in a hotel thank goodness!

Make it clear from the outset that they are guests but need to pitch in and help, and that your life will go on around them as usual

We live overseas and have had a fair few visitors come for a couple of weeks. We can't just stop our normal lives and use our vacation seeing them and going sightseeing. The kids still go to school as usual, go to clubs as usual and go to bed as usual. And when we need to go to the supermarket, the visitors also need to buy their share of stuff, as well as make their own breakfast, cups of coffee etc. I'll happily cook dinner for everyone, but I'm not going to run a short order kitchen in the mornings for them!

my other DB and SIL will be staying in a hotel thank goodness!

Thank god for small mercies!

If you are considering making DSis go to a hotel, I wouldn’t spring it on her at the last minute. It’s a huge budget difference and doesn’t seem fair. It is fair to tell her well in advance, but not ambush once arrived. I imagine there will be more options with more notice too.

Mum, sister and kids in guest room and brother on the sofa?

A week would be doable, but two weeks really does sound like a lot to be all sharing that kind of space. Might be best to approach sister directly if mum is just minimizing the concerns. Only you know if you can tolerate two weeks of it.

And what's your DH's take on this?

@RainbowWaffles but it wouldn't come out of the blue because I have been mentioning this to both my DS and DM that if it all gets much, someone has to go.

Plus she has just called me 2 hours ago to ask if it's cheaper to buy Louboutins in the UK or abroad where I am?

So if she can budget for a pair of designer shoes, she can surely budget for a last minute hotel room, doesn't need to be 5 stars does it??

But an adult on your sofa for one or two weeks makes that room unusable in the am and your brother with jet lag means it may be unusable at odd times or early. In effect just when you need it most your sitting room is not really free (suitcases bedding etc etc etc.

Yes one week I can put up with anything, two weeks I can't trust myself

@MumsyJ DH think my sisters husband is going to owe him big time lol!!

DH has said he can barely stomach his own DC, let alone other people's' ...he is going to put in extra hours at work to avoid being home as much as possible.

ohhh I feel for you.
I once (only the once) had 4 adults and 5 dc staying for a week.
we don't have a guest bedroom, so the dc bunked up in one dc's bedroom and the adult guests in another.
tbf they were good with dc, took them out sightseeing etc.

I had invented a work emergency, so had a couple of relaxing days in the office. otherwise we would have shouted at each other at some point.

They are saying "don't fuss" as if it's them that will be inconvenienced.
Tell them again you need them to stay in a hotel because it is YOUR sanity you are worried about.

I agree with your dh that you shouldn't give up your room. Not to make a point or be unkind to the guests but because you will need your own space to clear your head at the end of the day and (if you are anything like me!) somewhere to sneak off for a quiet scream when there is nowhere to sit down in your own lounge because there is a visitor on every chair!

Could you all go for a long weekend in a holiday cottage in the middle of the two weeks to dilute things a bit and make it a bit of a holiday for you instead of being solo hostess the whole time (easier to get all the adults mucking in if a neutral house perhaps?)

This may be unfeasible but is there an Air B&B nearby that you, your DH and the kids could stay in for a few weeks? You could see them every day for as long as you liked, but then leave when you’re ready and have some peace? It would also mean they’d have to get involved in the cooking and tidying?

That’s pretty cheeky of your family! I’d put your mum, sis and toddlers in the spare room and then throw brother on the couch when he arrives. They may choose to move to a hotel after a week together in there!

Have strict house rules and reinforce. We sit on couches, walking inside, hands/feet off the walls.

Make a list of parks, soft play, kid friendly outings and try push DM, Dsis and kids out the door each day.

When family arrive show them where the breakfast things are kept and remind them its not a hotel so will be expected to help themselves.

I would go so far as to roster your DM and DSis 1-2 nights a week to cook for everyone. Also be responsible for buying the groceries for the meals they prepare. Otherwise it’s goong to cost a fortune to feed the tribe for 2 weeks

I’d message your dsis with a list of hotels nearby and say please book one.
I feel sorry for your DH.

How many toilets and bathrooms do you have?. Will these people drain all your hot water within 30 minutes?. Who is going to pay for the extra food and resources they will consume and comandeer?.

They are being CFs and I would now call a halt to them descending on your home with the possible exception of your mother. Relations here could well be damaged. People as well should not sleep on sofas as they are not designed for this and it can also cause back problems.

I do not think they are taking you at all here very seriously; these people after all are on a freebie two week holiday to the Hotel du lul37!. Your sister's priorities are shoes, did you tell her that if she is thinking about those then there is money available for a hotel room (with her own bathroom and toilet).

You need to have at the very least firm and consistently held boundaries with them all regardless of their ages. And I would not at all count on your DH to assist here; he has already opted out.

I think the two week visit from them is going to make you view your family of origin very differently going forward. I sincerely hope that they will not sit around all day long taking up space in your house chatting and expecting to be ferried around (that could well happen). I see that your H has already decided to put in extra hours at work and you could well hate him for doing that. Further discussions will have to be made here.

Atilla makes a good point about ferrying ppl around. Insist they hire a car for the duration