Why'd I still feel so strong about him

[Cr20]

I'm sure if you look at my previous posts you'll see that me and baby's dad are no longer together and was struggling as we lived together and I'm back at my mums and so is he , he'll be 25 this year and I'll be 21 so we are still young but fell head over heels for one another and I fell pregnant but we both felt it was so right and that we wanted to be together forever and that nothing else mattered!

Anyways it's been 6 months we've been apart and we are getting along better than ever after the break up for the baby's sake drop offs and pick ups are short and sweet but me and his dad will talk about him and to each other how our night out etc was and we still have the odd occasional flirt when dropping him off

When we first split up I know he started seeing a girl from his work after a few months not been together but now he told me they aren't seeing one another anymore and the more I see him the stronger feelings keep coming back and he'll text every day asking how our son is and I can't exactly ignore it to try the non contact rule it's just impossible when there is a child involved! It's a really difficult situation and I try not to open myself up to him because I don't want to ruin the fact we are now getting along as coparents for our son and push him further away.

He text yesterday saying he wanted to take our son to South Africa the start of next year as his sister lives over there and moving the year after to Texas and will be a good opportunity to go and spend time with his dad and cousins but at the same time I feel selfish by saying this but because I've got our son every day apart from one day at the weekend I'll feel lost and the fact that if we were a family I'd be going aswell as I got on with his family and we're meant to go on a family holiday last year but couldn't get along so his mum can't instead which was sad and I feel upset that I wouldn't be going to South Africa either but a lot can happen in a year but I don't want to get to ahead of myself and we don't get back as he might not want to try again.

What should I do

I've added on to this...
please read ☹️
I'm sure if you look at my previous posts you'll see that me and baby's dad are no longer together and was struggling as we lived together and I'm back at my mums and so is he , he'll be 25 this year and I'll be 21 so we are still young but fell head over heels for one another and I fell pregnant but we both felt it was so right and that we wanted to be together forever and that nothing else mattered!

Anyways it's been 6 months we've been apart and we are getting along better than ever after the break up for the baby's sake drop offs and pick ups are short and sweet but me and his dad will talk about him and to each other how our night out etc was and we still have the odd occasional flirt when dropping him off

When we first split up I know he started seeing a girl from his work after a few months not been together but now he told me they aren't seeing one another anymore and the more I see him the stronger feelings keep coming back and he'll text every day asking how our son is and I can't exactly ignore it to try the non contact rule it's just impossible when there is a child involved! It's a really difficult situation and I try not to open myself up to him because I don't want to ruin the fact we are now getting along as coparents for our son and push him further away.

He text yesterday saying he wanted to take our son to South Africa the start of next year as his sister lives over there and moving the year after to Texas and will be a good opportunity to go and spend time with his dad and cousins but at the same time I feel selfish by saying this but because I've got our son every day apart from one day at the weekend I'll feel lost and the fact that if we were a family I'd be going aswell as I got on with his family and we're meant to go on a family holiday last year but couldn't get along so his mum can't instead which was sad and I feel upset that I wouldn't be going to South Africa either but a lot can happen in a year but I don't want to get to ahead of myself and we don't get back as he might not want to try again.

Well last night I messaged after him asking how our son was and what was happening Saturday I replied aw it’ll be good everyone together to celebrate and he replied it’s for Marcus Cerys... I replied that’s what I’m saying it’ll be good and I just lost it I text back and I’ve not done this since we split but I just couldn’t control it
I text back
“Not everything’s always about you not wanting to do things as a “family” it’s our sons day stop getting your point across every time you’ve got the chance to tell me you don’t want me and that your basically only coming for our son. I’m glad you are and it’s nice but I can’t do this you Constantly hurting me telling me you don’t want us.”
so he replied to that
“Because I don’t want us, you seem to think we’re still gonna get back together! And I’m not saying that to hurt you I’m saying it do you know“
Hes done this before but not been for this long but he has but he has told me to go then come back he never meant anything he said bla bla
he’s doing all the wrong actions and don’t add up with what he’s saying.
We were madly in love with one another at the start and we done everything together it’s just when baby came along things got hard.. does anyone’s relationship taste in anyway??
I just want to feel I’m not alone getting shut off when a girls dream is to have her family

That's really confusing to read and follow along with, but you sound as if you want to get back together and he definitely does not want to.

You have to accept that he says he doesn't want to get back together. Stop the flirting, don't text about things that don't directly concern your son.

Furthermore, you don't have to consent to him taking your DS to South Africa if you don't want to.

Furthermore, you don't have to consent to him taking your DS to South Africa if you don't want to.

Ok I comment on your other thread, but wanted to add that this comment it true you don't have to let him to go to South Africa. But think long and hard before you do that.

It could cause problems between you and your ex and he could do exactly the same if you want to take the child away on holiday.

I think from your post your ex has moved on and I suggest you do the same. He doesn't have to be seeing someone to move on.

You sound hopeful in a hopeless situation. Stop confusing his friendliness for being flirty. He's being mature and making it about your son, so keep it that way.

Give yourself time, and you'll be fine but keep it civil, don't be sending angry texts as the underlying message is you want him back, which he has made clear won't be happening. Keep it all about your son.