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Relationships

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Original poster

To move or not to move

30 replies

Minxy78 · 11/02/2019 13:01

Hi, just after some opinions really on moving to be with a new partner. I have the most wonderful man online, we've been together now for over a year. He has no children, I have two. He loves them and they love him. All great :-)
The problem is he lives 80 miles away. Currently we try to see each other at weekends as much as possible, but we've now got crunch time I think, and need to decide how to move our relationship forward, if at all.
I live in thrown where I grew up, the kids are very happy ad settled, and we all have a fabulous support network of family and friends. It's a lot to think about giving up. There are just as many valid reasons why my partner wouldn't want to move to my town either.
So, where do we go from here? I am now trying to really contemplate moving to be with him and he does appreciate all that would entail for me and the children.
Has anyone any advice of success stories of it being mum and kids moving to start afresh elsewhere?

OP posts:

Original poster

Minxy78 · 11/02/2019 13:03

So many typos! I have met the most wonderful man
I live in the town where I grew up

OP posts:

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 11/02/2019 13:04

What valid reasons are more important than the stability your dc already have? Where is their df?

PrettyLovely · 11/02/2019 13:07

It sounds like you have a lot more to loose should it go wrong. I wouldnt personally

todayiwin · 11/02/2019 13:07

Don't move.

Crystalintheeyes · 11/02/2019 13:08

I wouldn’t move my children when he doesn’t have any to not move.

He should be moving closer to you, he knows you have children that are settled.

Where are the children’s dad in all of this ?

beerandpopcorn · 11/02/2019 13:13

What are his valid reasons? My guess is they're not valid enough.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 11/02/2019 13:25

You've only known him for a year and see each other only at weekends? You don't know him at all. Why would you uproot your DC for a stranger? Why doesn't he move closer to you?

cafesociety · 11/02/2019 13:40

No way. You hardly know him, and you haven't lived with him. Your children can't know him very well and he doesn't know life with kids.

He should do everything he needs to do to move near you, that he hasn't suggested that is telling. His reasons are not more valid and important than yours and your family.

Do not up root your children from their friends, their school, their routine, their home. Do not leave your friends and family and support net work. Why are you thinking of this? Bend over backwards too far and you will break...and what happens if you have to move back to your town when you realise he is selfish, and can't.

cafesociety · 11/02/2019 13:43

Is he worth taking your children away from their family...aunt/s, uncle/s, grandparents? You will be isolating yourself and all 3 of you could be unhappy when it all sounds settled and comfortable now.

He should realise this.

SheeshazAZ09 · 11/02/2019 13:45

Any chance of his taking, say, a 2-week holiday and moving in with you for that time, and seeing how it goes for all of you? It would at least clarify a little bit as to whether you want to live together.

MollysLips · 11/02/2019 13:46

Three people's lives being uprooted, versus one.

He can move more easily than the 3 of you can. Can he get a job near you?

Or stay as you are until there's an easier time.

TheSmallAssassin · 11/02/2019 13:47

Don't move, so much upheaval for your kids and it is still very soon to be moving someone in with them. I would leave it at least another year before contemplating it and even then, don't move away from your support network.

I would tread very carefully if I were you. He must see that it's better for your kids and you to have all that support? If things go badly you are going to be stuck somewhere on your own.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/02/2019 15:39

There are just as many valid reasons why my partner wouldn't want to move to my town either.

What are his reasons for staying put? As pointed out by others, it is a lot more disruption for you and your DC to move - they would have to change schools/lose friends etc as well as their family relatives.

Personally, I wouldn't move.

Original poster

Minxy78 · 11/02/2019 16:32

The children's dad lives 2 hours north from us. He sees them every other weekend-ish, at his house. My partner lives a similar distance South.
I know 14 months is quite short, but it's been an intense relationship from day one. We talk every day, do video chats with the kids etc and it feels for us all that we've been together a lot longer. We have had a few times where we've had longer together - two weeks over Xmas, for example, and it really worked. We both feel that we have finally found the one we should have been with all along, after hurtful marriages etc.

Nothing woukd change regarding the children seeing their dad. They do a video call with him most nights, and we are very amicable. They would still stay at his eow, we would meet for handovers in our current town, so they would also still see friends and my parents on Sundays and school holidays and when we go camping together.

OP posts:

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 11/02/2019 16:35

4 hours is a long way to travel as a dc.

MollysLips · 11/02/2019 16:35

What are your DP's reasons for staying where he is?

Don't move fuelled by fear that you'll lose him otherwise.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/02/2019 16:37

So you would need to drive 4 hours round trip EOW? If they are seeing their Dad, they won't have time to see friends, surely? Sounds very complicated and time-consuming and stressful on-going for you all icy you move further South.

Surely he must see that it's much easier for him to move than you three?

Completelyfine · 11/02/2019 16:40

I wouldn’t move away from your support network or unsettle your children eg move schools and friends if he could move to you.

LatentPhase · 11/02/2019 16:49

What are the reasons for him not moving?

surlycurly · 11/02/2019 16:56

I had a similarly intense relationship and considered doing the same. Something then happened when I realised the person simply wasn't right for me or my kids. Thank god I hadn't moved. Your children and their security is more important. If he loves you as much as you think then he'll move.

PrismGuile · 11/02/2019 17:07

I wouldn't have been very happy if I'd had to move away from all my friends and family as a child because of my mums fancy man.

TheSmallAssassin · 11/02/2019 17:15

If the relationship feels intense, all the more reason to take it slow.

Gina2012 · 11/02/2019 17:24

and it feels for us all that we've been together a lot longer

In which case your partner will understand how important stability is for the DCs and HE will move

Gina2012 · 11/02/2019 17:26

What are his reasons for staying put?

The answer to this question CANNOT be as important as stability for your DCs. In which case , imo, he is very selfish

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 11/02/2019 18:43

Obviously he should move to your area. If he genuinely cared about your DC he would prioritise them above his own needs.

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