[Texting Anxiety] - Anyone Else?!

[stressedinthought]

Hi All,

I have posted before but would just like to reach out and see how others feel with this.

Some people are texters and some are not.. fully understand that. Some people care about it, some don’t.. I know this also.. BUT do any of you get anxious regarding texting with your partners? This may not apply if you live with them of course. I’m in a long distance relationship which is why it falls heavier on me.

For example:

1. Do you ever feel like you’re the one making the effort to keep the conversation going?

1. Do you ever feel ignored by your partner when it’s been a while since they responded and you know their not busy?

1. Do you ever feel anxious in how their message comes across... if it seems cold and short/distant. (I know it’s easy to misinterpret texts too)

1. Do you ever get into a routine of texting with your partner and when that changes you get anxious / on edge? Such as when frequency of communication changes leading you to feel unimportant or they’re bored of texting you?

1. Do you take it personally when you put so much effort into sending a nice text / with depth to it and they come back with a sentence or two?

I’m not looking for people to say this is ridiculous and silly, as for some I know it may seem that way. I genuinely would like to to see if this type of thing affects anyone else? This affects me heavily on the day to day.

I’m at the point where I can’t relax if it’s been a while since I get a message from her... it’s become an andrenaline rush as such when I do.. and I know it’s not healthy. This whole thing can either make my day or ruin it.

Your replies are appreciated!

Thank you!

Daily mail?

Err no? A 25 year old bloke with an anxiety issue😂

Are you in a relationship with this person? How long? You don’t sound very secure in your relationship overall which seems to be manifesting itself in texting anxiety.
I have felt like this before but it’s usually just a short period at the beginning of seeing someone, before things are official.

I’m the same. I’ve recognised it’s due to my anxious attachment style though and have found strategies to cope

My top tip is only start every second conversation. This way you can better read how much they want to chat to you

Op you asked via pm but I thought I’d respond here in case it’s helpful for others too.

Main thing is read about attachment theory.

And then I try to only start every second chat as if you leave it a little longer they always message eventually ( just less quickly than I would have) and because it’s them starting the conversation I’m reminded that I’m valued. Sometimes there’s not much in it either. The other day I had to sit on my hands then got a message and hour later and felt better for not having started the chat myself.

Also making specific times to chat too and signing them off properly rather than letting them fade out. Ie when I sense a conversation has run it’s course I’ll say something like ‘oh I’m off to do x now but chat tomorrow’ or somesuch as then I can relax and am not waiting for a message anymore

I used to have this issue with texting my now husband. If he didn't reply for a while I read way too much into it, assuming he was annoyed/upset with me or that something bad had happened to him. I was never right
Sometimes the conversation flowed really well and sometimes it didn't and I'd wonder what was wrong, was it a bad sign etc etc. It's not healthy or helpful but hard to stop, especially if you generally struggle with anxiety. Technology is great in many ways but does open up new things to be anxious about.
I think the advice you've been given is good, and if you struggle with anxiety in general maybe look into getting support for that?

Yes in previous relationship because it wasn't right. Never in current relationship because I feel secure.

I'm so much happier without the constant text anxiety. In fact I was happier single.

Life's too short OP. You're 25 and spending your day waiting for a phone to been. That's such a waste. Honestly I'd ban texts except for the arrangements to meet or move on.

Thanks for you comments all, I will certainly take this on board. Would be keen to hear others take aswell especially who have a similar issue.

Yep anxious preoccupied attachment style here too. I used to be like that in other relationships but my now DH texted the same amount I did, usually texted me first etc so no issues.

Agree with Yellowblankets, it’s worth reading up on your attachment style and what that means in regards to relationships, then learn some strategies.

Do anxious attachment and avoidant attachment really work together?

I’d guess not. I think secure attachment is best for the anxious attachment type. That’s what my DH is and it works. I dated an avoidant style fellow and I had to end it, awful.

thepowermoves.com/anxious-avoidant-attachment/