I was with my ex for 21 years - 22 years if you count the last year during which we had to live together while we were getting divorced. He moved out last April after a traumatic divorce, and horrible last few years of marriage.
Now here I am trying to process all of this, as well as the emotionally and verbally abusive aspects of my marriage. Ex and I are not on speaking terms at all (we have teenage dc) - he was vile towards me during the divorce, and in any case one of the reasons I instigated the divorce was due to his inflicting very long silent treatments on me (months at a time), so he is hardly going to talk to me now.
I have just turned 50 (
), and really I feel like a functional, plodding, anxious, veering on the edge of being depressed, asexual nonentity.
I have no idea how I might ever meet anyone else, how to flirt, be interesting or anything of that nature. And in any case I am grieving for my ex, and do not want to be with anyone who isn’t him 
.
What is the matter with me and how do you meet men at my age? I have no evenings off as where ex is living at the moment is not suitable for the dc to stay over.
How do you even think that someone might like you when your ex obviously hates your guts and spent the last few years of your marriage obviously disliking you so there must be something wrong with you?
Sorry for the self indulgent downer, I just don’t know how to get out of this mindset.
Maybe this is it - no sex or romance ever again and just accept it?
What a downer 
.