help just had baby four months ago and hes still in spare room my feelings are a mess is this normal

[moneybagsmammy]

what do i do and is this normal

Do you mean your other half is still in the spare room?

feel so bad bout it my sis keep saying it will be fine but will it

ye he is in the spare room

I assume that it is your dp who still in the other room.

IME it is completely normal for a baby to throw your feelings into complete confusion and to put a strain on relationships. Having a baby raises/changes your expectations of your partner, so that they start succeeding/failing in ways they didn't even know they had to. At the same time, you are tired, your hormones are screaming, your relatives keep visiting and expressing opinions about how you run your life, you go off sex and someone small and very noisy is sitting in between you whenever you try to talk!

Someone recently said on MN that it can take up to a year for your hormones to settle post birth.

However, sleeping is separate rooms possibly takes away one of the main chances for a cuddle and some time for the two of you to spend time together - even if it is just cuddling and sleeping.

Are you able to talk to your dp about what is going on?

no he is one of those guys who dont get it and i sould be normal again i only had a baby is the way he sees it

How amazing that someone can still think this, in this day and age. I've got to go into work now, but I'm bumping this for you in case someone else can add some useful advice.

I'll try to check back later.

hey thanks talk to later then

I would say it is completely normal for your feelings to be all over the place. They will settle down but it's still a shock to the system with the tiredness, feeding, having another little person to think about all the time.

Your partner being in the spare room for a little while - I don't think this is a big deal unless it is to you. At the beginning, I think it is just about survival and both trying to get enough sleep. A couple of my friends have done this with their DHs and taken turns (night each) doing the night feeds (suppose this would only work if partner was at home or not working!). IMO, it would only be a problem if your partner STAYED in the spare room. Does he let you have a lie in/nap say at the weekend to catch up on sleep?

Have you tried talking to your Health Visitor about how you are feeling? She would completely understand and it might be helpful if your partner was there.

My DH was a similar in that he thought I would just give birth and be back to my normal self again. It takes quite a while for you to feel as you did before.

You WILL feel normal again, it's just a big adjustment! (((hugs)))

its so good to feel thatit is normal and no he does not do any feeds at weekend but these are things i will be straightening and he is going to stay there untill i feel beter bout sitution. its good to be able to talk like yhis i never knew of its existance till yesterday

Sites like this are a saviour when you are a new mum. It's all new and can be daunting and sometimes you don't know where to turn or who to ask.

Sometimes friends or other mums are a bit too scared to be honest to your face in case of being judged. On MN, you can ask anything and get lots of advice. It is worth it's weight in gold.

Good luck with your new baby (and tackling your partner!)

Hi MBM

Bumping this for the evening crowd, as they may have more good advice and encouragement for you. I think that Naughtystep's idea of chatting to your Health Visitor (if she is any good) is a really good idea. You can just ask her the same question as you asked us in the title, and see if she has the same answers.

Glad to hear that you are going to be straightening things with your dp and getting him to help out more. It's amazing how much hard work one little person can be, and it will be so much better if dp is helping out.

Best of luck.

I know where you are coming from - dh has only recently come back out of the spare room.

Because my life has had such a dramatic change - essentially my day to day life revolves around ds - we have not been seeing eye to eye so much recently, and as notquitegrownup says, dh is failing in ways I never knew existed. I know a few couples who have split up post baby - I was really shocked when I first heard, but I now understand how that can happen.

So, I guess it's normal.

Make sure you get time together - you have to work a lot harder now at keeping your relationship on track. Having dh back in our room and setting up a small bed in ds's room (for middle of the night use) improved our relationship somewhat, though we have just had a huge barney about how important family is to me, but not so much to him... I never thought having a child would affect us differently, and me so much, but I guess it's the same hormones that make me wake up when he cries but lets dh sleep through..

u know hearing all these messages have helped me so much i feel better thanks it is scarey being a first mum so its great to have this site

Good to know that you feel better,

Just one further thought from me. IME it's good to avoid comparing your dp with other couples too. Everyone finds this hard, even if they don't seem to. I clearly remember watching a couple we met at a kiddies group and feeling so because they seemed really sorted and he seemed to be great with the children. The next week she was in a hostel and he was under arrest for beating them up! Raising small kids can be a great strain on everyone - even if it doesn't show.

Best of luck.

oh rabster we have the same problem my fella is the same and the dont seem to get it its us who this bunch of hormones to deal with