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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do guys hurt like us

12 replies

Lifeasitis · 10/02/2019 20:42

Just overcoming a heartbreak. Bad breakup and we blocked each other on everything.

But I wonder, does he miss me, will he check up on my social media.

OP posts:

richdeniro · 10/02/2019 20:48

Very much so, took me well over 6 months to get over my ex and we had only been together for for a similar amount of time. Worst thing I've ever been through.

Original poster

Lifeasitis · 10/02/2019 21:02

Really? This feels so hard I’m putting on this front that I’m moving on and living life. But it’s killing me. No contact now for a week. Longest we have gone. But we both know it had to end. Hated in the end, but I miss him terribly

OP posts:

Inexperiencedchick · 10/02/2019 21:26

It will get better. Usually first 2 weeks are the most difficult ones.

💐

ConfCall · 10/02/2019 21:51

They do.

Try not to think about him though.

NameChangeNugget · 10/02/2019 22:58

I think whoever gets binned off regardless of their gender, feels pain

BaronessBomburst · 10/02/2019 23:03

Yes. They hurt too.
A friend of mine tried to kill himself when his wife left. He was devastated. Fortunately he didn't succeed and it was a long time ago but I saw what it did to him.

Catscratchclub · 10/02/2019 23:05

I knew my ex was hurting but he processes it very differently to me. I was dwelling on everything, where as he shut down and refused to think of it / me. He would walk for miles listening to music just to keep busy, and wanted no contact with me and was brutally cold when we had it. On the surface you would never have known he was hurting - where as I was a mess and burst into tears constantly and needed to replay everything in my head. So. Both hurt, just dealt with differently.

(He told me the above by the way when I told him he was dead inside and I had clearly never mattered to him..... god break ups suck, I hope you aren’t okay soon op )

QuintadiMalago · 10/02/2019 23:13

Yes, of course they do. They're human beings too. People process things differently, their sex doesn't really make a difference to emotional pain. However I do think that men are conditioned to be strong and not express emotions so sometimes their reactions are very different and can be quite inexplicable to women, works both ways though

Original poster

Lifeasitis · 11/02/2019 05:18

My ex is so cold, it’s as he switches off. I hate feeling as I’m the only one hurting. Due to that I’m finding I’m trying to put on this brave face that I’m happy. Inside I’m crushed.

OP posts:

DameIfYouDo · 11/02/2019 05:23

I genuinely wonder if they feel as much as we do. Hard to tell really.

Boysandbuses · 11/02/2019 05:27

It's not aboutvthe sex of a person. It's about the person.

I am a woman and the type that doesn't show someone she is a mess. Only my very closest friend and my Dp can tell when I am hurting.

Me and Dp split for a while at the beginning, I still saw him all the time due to friendships. He thought for a long time that I just wasn't bothered and was fine. My best friend knew I was pretty devastated, even though we rarely talked about it. She just knows and never pushes me to talk, which is what I like.

Now me and dp have been back together for a while, he can see the signs. Even with my front up. He now gets that I was as upset as him. I just hide it better.

It was obvious to struggled with the break up, he just looked different. He didn't cry in front of people but you could just tell, I was not shocked when he told me how hard the break up was.

I am sorry you are hurting. I am sure he is too. But not everyone shows it.

mjvb123 · 11/02/2019 18:06

Ooh how I've wondered this!
I'm a bit further ahead than you with regards to the timescale, of moving on from a break up.
The simple answer is we will likely never know, how the other person is feeling about the relationship ending.
But I understand the desire of wanting to know; to feel like you are not the only one suffering, the only one hurting from it all.
Because it makes you feel slightly better to be given hope, that they feel the pain too.
It's early days for you, and it's going to be pants for a little while to come. But in the not too distant future, the good days will become more frequent. And you will be able to rationalise better the reasons behind the relationship ending.
Try and keep up the NC. Find your answers and explanation in the actions and the lack thereof.
Give space.
I am coming to realise that I will never truly know what my ex was thinking or feeling. Or why he did what he did. Once you start to accept this, it gets a little easier.
Feel your pain, you are grieving, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

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