Met someone new

[pickledpink]

So after a painful break up from an on off relationship I've had a bit of time out
I met someone 2 weeks ago online
We've had now 4 dates, last one being today
Al is going well and I do like him
Think is he is very full on! I like him and I like some aspects but I find some of it too much. I have told him I want to take it slow and he said I can take all the time
Anyway my question is we both have children. Both girls and both the same age - 6yrs.
He has her every other weekend same as me and i night in the week
So he obviously has more spare time than me but I've said at the moment every other weekend is how it will be
Thing is, we've slept together this weekend, we've spent hours taking and both want the same things from life, I've said I want to really get to know each other before we make anything official but I'm struggling to think if we should be slowing things down ?

2 weeks in and you want to make it "official"? By "official" do you mean, meet each others kids so you can spend more time together?

Im sure he is a nice genuine man who is actually chuffed to bits to have met a lovely woman with a child the same age as his... but, seriously, you dont know him AT ALL. Dont fall straight into a pseudo-family role, just keep on dating him and enjoy being his gf for a while.

In what way are you rushing? You have all the time in the world to get to know each other. This is supposed to be the fun part.

I think it's fine to be exclusive at this stage but what does official mean?!

Also, how do you find him "full on" and "too much"? What is he pushing for, after a 14-day relationship?

Let me clarify as I haven't worded it well
I don't want to make it official at all yet.
Ie relationship/boyfriend girlfriend etc - anything with a label really until we get to know each other

No I don't want to introduce the children / meet her or him meet mine to see each other more
I am more than happy with eow

Yes we've only met 4 times in 2 weeks so hardly anytime.
So agree I do not know him well enough

So where he is full on.....he's very attentive, always texts and calls me and when are together he's lovely and stayed over this weekend
He says things like I'm his ideal girl, perfect, pays me so many compliments and as I say I like him but I'm more of a actions speak louder than words !

I don't wanna burst his bubble as I do like him I just feel I don't want to rush into anything!

Do I talk to him and say I feel it's a bit much or just literally see how it goes
Next time I'm seeing him is Saturday

As for the exclusivities he has made it clear he has come off old
As I have

X

I guess I feel a bit over whelmed that I spent a lot of time working on me and being happy and now I'm ready to meet someone but I don't wanna rush into anything heavy

I explained this at the start and he seemed ok with it

Maybe I'm not used to someone being so attentive
My ex certainly wasn't at all
So I am enjoying it I just dont want to rush until we've really got to know each other

I feel if I talk to him after this weekend he will feel it's after we've slept together - spent all weekend together (which we aren't going to be able to do lots just once in a while due to his shift work and the kiddies )
He feels it's a slap in the face you know ? X

I think just see how it goes. There's nothing wrong with him being attentive but if he is calling and texting all the time then tell him to back off.

I met my dp OLD 18 months ago and he was a bit like this. I was like a rabbit in the head lights as I wasn't ready to rush into anything. He was respectful and backed off when asked and waited for me to see how things developed. He is the best man I've ever met and I love him to bits now.

Trust you gut. Take your time, if he doesn't give you space when asked then he's not the one for you.

I'm going to have to ask him to...
Start as I mean to go on as we are so early on in...
What do I say though without hurting his feeling ? I feel like I've maybe implied but maybe not as direct as my friend says sometimes you need to spell it out
That's a lovely positive story
I hope my man turns out the same
Thing is I've been very badly let down, last relationship was abusive and spent time building myself up again
I just feel like this guys a love sick puppy and very smitten !lol
Like I said I do like him, he's just a bit over powering
So I will talk to him as my gut feeling is that it's just a bit too much, that's all
X

I'm calling him now ☺️
Here goes
He thinks I'm calling to say goodnight 😞

Chatted for ages
He was soooooo nice about it
Ahhh feel so much better
Thanks everyone for the advice
Xxxxxxx

I guess everyone is different. Some people would say at least he soubds keen and is clearly interested.

You can pull him up when he's being full on in conversation, but in a kind way.

Him: you're the most amazing woman, you're so perfect for me, I can't imagine my life without you

You: gosh thank you for the compliments! I love spending time with you too. Its only been 3 weeks though, let's not be talking about forever just yet

Etc etc

Beware of sending mixed signals because taking it slow does appears to be different to what you’re actually doing.

Sandy chesty thanks
Great advice I love that !
Yes he used the word forever and said he wants to 'wake up every morning like this' and talks about
' feelings ' and ' what next ' even though I've said let's just see each other and let things happen naturally?!

Agent - yep totally get that
I said to him it's hard as he probably feels like I'm contradicting myself! It's hard to go slow when you like someone I guess
I've told him this pace is probably faster then I want to go but at the same time I'm trying to go with it as like pp said, it's nice he's interested and you read so much about bad men and I was with one!
I've never been treated like this
But it is early days and I've been hurt badly before and let down

The balance between not letting my shitty ex ruin or make me feel like I don't deserve happiness to making sure it's genuine

I did feel better after the chat so I guess time will tell?

X

What is his relationship history?

Be on the look out for love bombing, fast tracking and future faking - these are techniques used by abusive men to get you under their spell before they take off the mask. Keeping listening to your gut and speaking up early on. As others have said it is his reaction to you stating your boundaries which will tell you all you need to know - so pay attention. 14 days tho for such declarations and to be so smitten would make me uncomfortable. Is he very young and inexperienced?

You are right to trust your gut instinct. And you are very right to say that actions speak louder than words.

There is no good definition of 'going slow' so you may need to be more specific with him. Assert your boundaries. If he's as into you as he claims he'll be fine with that. Maintain your own friendships, fence out your own time. Don't always be available by text.

Hmm interesting and yes have learnt the hard way to trust my gut
I will see how this week goes then

He's 30 - 5 years younger than me and yes I would say inexperienced from what I have had relationship wise

X