He doesn’t want to get married..

[AdviceNeeded3282]

Advice / thoughts please. Been with partner since teenage years. Have everything together, house, 2 children, we are approaching 30. He knows I want to get married, he has proposed, yet says he isn’t keen on the idea of marriage at all and the only reason he will have a wedding with me is to keep me happy. I don’t know what to think.

I never wanted to get married but I got married because it was really important to him!

Not wanting to get married was no reflection on him or our relationship.. it just wasn't something that was important to me, personally think it's all a big fuss for a piece of paper.

I agreed to marry him because of how important it was to him, I wasn't against it.. but had he not of pushed it then it would never of happened.

I think if he's saying book it then he's doing it to make you happy but it doesn't mean you'll be dragging him down the isle kicking a screaming. He's prepared to do it and make that commitment, it's just not important to him, it's different to not wanting to marry you.

Makes sense in my head but probably not to others reading it 🤷‍♀️

To be honest I think it just creates doubt in my mind. I know we already have everything but I just like the thought of being husband and wife. I know everyone being there watching us is probably daunting to him. I want to be married to him, I want the day, I want the hen do with my friends (I know I sound selfish but I just want to do it - as you only do it once !!!). He is the father to my children and I love him dearly despite we bicker like cat and dog , but we always go to bed together and know that everything is okay if that makes sense. Sorry for going on and I REALLY appreciate all of your stories & comments xx

DH & I married because it was important to me. I asked him! At the time DH was happy to go along with it because it mattered to me but given the choice he wouldnt have bothered.

Now 27 years later he is very happy that we are married.

My DH wanted to be married but not the wedding. I gave him the choice of jeans at the registry office no celebration etc or a "small" church do, he chose the latter.

Is only regret is not having more people at the wedding 😤

I don't want to be married but would for DP. I've never seen myself as someone's wife but I don't particularly oppose the formal commitments if that's what he wanted. I would prefer a civil ceremony or just 2 witnesses. And I earn less than DP so actually more to gain from it.

Maybe he will be more keen if you compromise and have a relatively small wedding? I'm sure he will like the idea of having a honeymoon (if only brief perhaps, depending on finances).

He wants to get married for you. If he has never particularly wanted to be married then don't think it's any reflection on you or how deeply he cares. If he has been a good partner for 12 years he has proved he cares very deeply.

No, I think that made perfect sense, sparkles it's not unlike my own experience. But we did the jeans with two witnesses at the registry office thing, though we did have a rather fancy lunch afterwards I certainly wouldn't have gone along with some white-frock-in-a-church-and-hotel extravaganza, though. I agreed to a marriage, not a wedding.

I don't think it should create any doubt in your mind, OP, unless your relationship actually has problems, or you have reason to think he's actually not committed. My lack of desire to get married did not, and does not reflect any lack of love for my now-DH, who was an is wonderful.

Have the hen do and a very small wedding with just family.

I wouldn't want a big wedding with someone who isn't overly keen on marriage.

12 years on with 2 kids... I don't see the point in spending loads of money on a wedding.