To ask for a handhold and a kick up the arse?

[Strangecreatures]

Hi everyone (name changed for this)

I'm sorry to ask but I really need to hear some words of encouragement on how to stay strong for tonight.

I've been seeing a guy for around six months now, we said at the beginning we would see how things went although we are (were) official if you like.
Due to us not spending much time together recently and ive had some doubts about whether we are suited for eachother (which he doenst know, yet) we have decided to call it a day.
We messaged eachother last night, I have felt for a little while things weren't right and I could feel a break up looming. So it didn't take me by surprise when he said he had been having similar doubts. On his side it's mostly due to us not being able to spend much time together (due to his work and me having dd) so we agreed to call it off, it was all very respectful and amicable. We have decided to remain friends as we knew eachother before dating. All good.

My issue is, and reason for needing a reminder to stay stong/handhold, is that hes coming over tonight so we can talk face to face and put it all to rest (although he's spending the night as hes driving and we agreed to have a bottle or two of wine.. eeek...) now I know he's not the right guy for me, for a few different reasons, mainly lifestyle and character differences but I'm soooooooo attracted to him and part of me wants to keep things like they were and not have to face the truth of it being no more.. from a few messages he's sent and the fact he's coming over, to spend the night, with wine.. I've got a feeling they'll be talk of "well can't we just try and do this to make it work" etc etc, we both like eachother, fancy eachother etc sort its hard to call it off when nothing bad has really happened (not really anyway..) We're just not right for eachother and it's not working because we hardly see one another.. which I feel can be fixed if I was prioritized but that's another story.. anyway.
Please remind me to be strong and stick with what my gut is telling me! If we got 'back together' I'd be in this same place in a couple of weeks won't I?? Maybe he won't want to and is genuinely just coming for a chat and to smooth things over so we can be friends in the future and it'll all be fine anyway?? I'm just worried that I'll cave if he does ask to give it another go because I like him so much, but I know its not right too.

I'm sorry this is all pathetic and it's hardly aibu worthy but I am posting for traffic as he's coming round in an hour!

I'm sorry if my post annoyed/confused some people.
I was just using it to write down my thoughts last night and thought I'd get some immediate wise response that would kick me back into reality and give me some strength. I'm only replaying again to write down my thoughts and incase anyone who posted wonderd what had happened.

Well last night was odd.. no we didn't sleep together btw. Funnily enough I had managed to catch dds bug she's had over the weekend and I was being sick in the toilet an hour after he arrived no word of a lie! So spent the night rushing between trying to talk about things and running to the loo to throw up 😳 no wine for me! Turns out I didn't need mumsnet, just a random stomach bug saved the day. 😎
We're both confused about what's going on, the problems are, we want to see more of eachother but it's just not going to happen due to me having dd, my work, his work and the fact he lives almost an hour away. we have both come to the realisation that the relationship is going to be based on seeing eachother once or twice a week forever more (pretty much, dd is 4) and it's just something we're not happy with.
I'm confused because I thought we had broken up on Sat over messages, he came round because the evening had already been planned before 'breaking up' and we wanted to talk face to face so we agreed to just keep the date but use it as time to talk. It was clear pretty much as soon as he walked in we hadn't actually fully parted ways and more needed to talk about what we were gonna do to try and make it work. We have talked, and talked and arentbreally any futher forward so it was rather pointless and upsetting.. although a few things were said that neither of us have heard from eachother before so I guess we've got a better understanding of eachother now.. I'm so confused, I have my doubts but I still really like him and could see myself happy with him at the same time too. I wanted to be strong and stick to my guns because I was sure breaking up was the right thing to do but now I'm not unsure, sad and confused.

Sorry if anyone's reading this thinking "WTF is this weirdo on about "
Thankfully mumsnet is anonymous forum so I can ecape any real life embarrassment and just do a name change

Life is messy op. Sometimes you have to ride it out and wait and see

We're moving this over to relationships at the OP's request.

I think I would just go with the flow. Don’t make any decisions either way yet.
I don’t think an hour away is too far tbh. He could leave your house at 10.30 and putting the key in his door at 11.30! Or you could even. Good luck. Sounds like you like each other x

Op, you can miss someone and miss the routine of seeing them. But ultimately if you know it’s not for you, sticking it out because you kind-of like those things (and the massive lust appeal) just means both of you are missing out on finding something that could really work.

Thank you lily
pinki I think so too, at the very start of the relationship he did say he was worried about how exactly we'd make it work due to distance and time so it's been a concern of his from the start.. I don't see it as a huge thing but it is for him because he'll be the one doing the travelling as I'll be at home with dd. I get one weekend off a month when dd is at her dad's and I'm not working. Really that's the only time I can go to his apart from the odd afternoon once a week when dd is at nursery and he's off work..
yutes I know you're right. But I'm so confused right now idk if I'm close to loving him and missing him, coming to terms it's not going to work or if I'm just upset that it's come to an end (which I know is natural) I'm just so upset tonight (still poorly though) I did something really stupid this morning too that I'm regretting.. I saw he had a picture of a naked woman on his phone this morning, as his screen saver no less so I told him to remove it and said it was disrespectful to me. Well he told me before he left my house he wasnt happy that id "censored" him with it, although he did change it over.. I just felt thats not what I guy in a 'relationship' should have as his screen saver?? He said hes had it since new year but ive never noticed it.. Fair enough if he likes the picture keep it in a personal album but not as a screen saver. I was hurt by it and I snapped at him and I'm regretting that because I'll now look like a nutter and he made it quite clear he wasn't happy that I'd told him to remove it too.

You're not a nutter op. That would bother me too.

I would have zero respect for any guy with such a pathetic screen saver. It's beyond yuk! Is he 14? Such a turn off.

If only life was as easy as LTB, don't have one last shag, just cut him off etc...

Most of us know it isn't just try to protect yourself as much as you can for the inevitable, also at the screensaver I thought men stopped doing that in their early teens?

I would think someone with a naked lady as a screensaver doesn’t have much respect for women.

His reaction is also a red flag, for me

How old is he again? No men in my acquaintance group would countenance that as a screen saver, they would be ridiculed.

Thank you for all the replies. pog he's almost 38
Im feeling much better, yesterday was really confusing and emotional but today I feel ok about it all. I have said that we can be friends but need a cooling off period and shouldnt talk or see eachother until the up coming trip in March. I'll be 100% ok by then. I'm definitely going to go to it as I've paid for it and want to, we'll have a good time I'm sure.
Now that all the crying and emotions are out of the way I can see we're not right for eachother and im feeling ok about it. There's not much more to it. We're just not suited and it's too difficult to make it work.
Ive just been shopping about bought myself some flowers to cheer myself up. Dd is at nursery so I'm gonna do some house work and go for a long walk.
I agree about his objectification of women, he's done it before when sending me memes with naked/almost naked women or weird supposedly funny porn clips.. I'd always be thinking "why in earth are you sending this to me? " I know some men do that but i feel its immature and disrespectful, it concerned me with how he would then view me tbh. I cant put my finger on it but i just didnt like it, it wasnt out of jelously.. I just thought it was disrespectful and I what to be with a man who has respect for women and is mature enough to see that doing that, sharing these pictures between friends, is gross and disrespectful.