It's over but stuck living together!

[Kismetjayn]

God this is dragging out forever.

Finally over with 'D'P, have posted about him before but I've ended the relationship with him. No kisses or 'I love you's, trying to be friendly because financially we're a bit fucked. I have a tiny amount in savings, enough for me to move closer to my uni, but not enough to end our lease early. We are tied in until October 2020 with a break clause of 3 months rent, so my entire moving funds and another £400 or so. I don't expect to get the whole deposit back because we have been here since I was pregnant so there's marks like the time DD drew on the wall, trod tomato sauce into the carpet (because it's all carpeted!) And things like that.

I start uni this autumn. Is it crazy to go 50/50 custody right down the middle in the same house- so I move back in uni hols and he stays with his parents, and term time he lives in the house and I live in cheapest available halls to save for moving costs & new deposit, and DD stays put throughout and does a year of school here?

And we stay a couple on paper as we can't claim housing benefit as single people, when it's for the same house?

We would do weekends in between, so I'd see DD for weekends during term, he'd see her for weekends in hols, and we'd use the year and a half to figure out separating belongings & finances. She would then move to live with me in uni family accommodation in 2020, and he'd have the typical EOW custody with full weeks in school half term, and at Christmas.

Does anyone else see a solution I'm not seeing? Because this seems ridiculous to drag it out 18 months but also the only option available, financially speaking. Fucking long lease and increasingly unbearable 'D'P... When we signed it I really thought we'd last forever :(

Also is it terrible of me to move DD 1.5 hours drive to Cambridge in 2020? I know he'd resent the drive, but he encouraged me to apply and threw it back in my face. As it stands I haven't got an interview for a minimum wage job so far, v sketchy CV.

Anyone?

I don't know but I'm confused by the child arrangements, so I imagine it would be very confusing for your child too.
How much would it cost to break your lease?

She would be staying in the same house we have lived in since day 1, with me living there with her in uni hols, and DP living there in termtime.

Then in 2020 her moving up to uni with me.

It would cost £3400.

This seems like a practical solution, if you and ex can stay on good enough terms - I have heard of people doing this sort of arrangement although don’t know anyone in real life. Sounds infinitely better than trying to coexist in the house which ime is excruciating!

It actually sounds like quite a good idea

Couple of other potential solutions...

Defer uni for a year. It's usually easy to do once you have your place I think? At which point you'd have your dd with you from when you start. Doesn't solve moving her though.

If you moved out now, could your ex not claim housing benefit to top up the rent?

Ideally it would be best for dd to start school in Cambridge. But otherwise, your plan sounds a good one.

The only concern I would have would be whether he may attempt to secure residency on the basis of you living 1.5hrs away 5 days a week for 40 weeks. How likely is he to want to be the resident parent?

You think he will be ok with being the resident parent and then switching to eow? Righto.

He will definitely not want to keep full custody or even main custody as he has said he doesn't think he can cope looking after her full time but he has said he will manage for what equates to 6 months of being her main caregiver.

I could defer uni but that wouldn't help with the break clause of the lease- or helping me to get out, tbh. I can't pay our rent on my own and haven't been able to get a job, so will be relying on benefits & maintenance/bursaries in uni.

He could claim housing to have enough if she was living with him but not as a single person, and I have nowhere to go, no family or anything. He has his parents who he will move in with after the lease ends.

I would love for her to start school in Cambridge but I can't afford to get out of the lease! And can't afford to rent privately there, so would have to wait until a uni owned apartment was free, at which point we'd have to apply late for a school place anyway.

Also, he wouldn't be the resident parent through the year, it would be 50/50 due to term structure. For a single year. He really doesn't want to be the resident parent.

Actually- if I got him to put it in writing, would that help me out if he did change his mind just to cause trouble for me?

He's said multiple times he doesn't want to look after her on his own for more than the 3 terms so it should be fine to get it in writing...

Witnessed by a solicitor perhaps? Wouldn’t hurt.

Any way he could get a lodger in to cover the rent for The rest of the lease with him (assuming its not a one-bed) so you could use your savings to move out and not need to pay the £3400?