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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner in major crisis

11 replies

AlexLdn · 10/02/2019 09:19

Hey everyone! Thank you for reading my tread, here is the long story short:

Back in June my partner received a once in a life time job opportunity back in his home country (Canada) and after a long discussion he decided to take it and sposor me so that I could move to Canada with too.
He left UK in August and I stayed behind till my Permanent Residency was approved not long ago.
I went to visit him at Xmas and on 1st January the company he worked for shutted down and declared bunkruptcy leaving him jobless.
Since then he has been spiraling into depression, as the only job he could get right away was a very low income one.
He keeps looking everyday for better opportunities, but now I am due to move permanently to Canada in 2 weeks and I am scared to death we won’t be able to have a decent life.
I am trying to stay positive as much as I can, but seeing him so depressed and me being so far away really does not help.

Please give me a little advise on how can I help him ? Is like he is loosing all faith in life.
I’m desperate.

OP posts:

Pomello · 10/02/2019 09:20

Can he come back?!

Original poster

AlexLdn · 10/02/2019 09:27

Considering how much money and emotional strenght we put into the application (the process to emigrate to canada is not easy) and considering how unhappy he was back in the UK in the last few years, no.. it would feel like a massive defeat for him (his words) and even if he came back to the UK, he would have to start from zero all over again, and right now he is totally in no condition of doing so.

OP posts:

windygallows · 10/02/2019 09:33

Where in Canada is he? Is he in a major city? Has he reached out to headhunters?

Original poster

AlexLdn · 10/02/2019 09:43

He is not in a metropoly (Toronto-Ottawa-Montreal-Vancouver), he is, and also our house, is in a medium size town. He is in contact with a few recruiters yes, but also because he does not have a drivers license ence a car, makes it even harder for him to apply to half the jobs out there.

OP posts:

windygallows · 10/02/2019 21:10

Can he commute into a city (by train?) where there might be more roles? It can be hard to find work in smaller towns (I am from canada)

Springwalk · 10/02/2019 21:16

Are you working there? If not, what is your plan to support yourselves.
And if you are, can you manage just on your salary?
I wouldn’t leave until you are sure his MH is not going to totally spiral. Medical care will be expensive,
It is not a now or never opportunity, maybe tonight is not the right time.
For this to work he needs to be healthy.

Springwalk · 10/02/2019 21:16

Tonight - now

Thehop · 10/02/2019 21:24

I’m afraid his pride isn’t paramount any more! He needs to come back to the UK and rebuild a life or have one ready to go to!

MumCatx2 · 11/02/2019 07:04

He will be happier once you are there. He must be lonely and isolated and feel like hes let you down. Stay positive and look at it as an adventure. Make getting a car and a job for yourself top priorities. It will be a new experience, not everything works out the way we want it, but its part of the journey.

another20 · 11/02/2019 07:14

What was his unhappiness related to when he was still iin the UK? Could it have been depression (milder) if so this needs to be tackled medically head on first.

ChariotsofFish · 11/02/2019 07:32

I think some depression is quite common when moving countries. And he was unhappy in the UK and probably thought Canada was the answer to curing that and it’s already gone a bit wrong. Do you have a job to go to? Things will get a bit easier when you’re back together, but really he may have been depressed for a while and what he thought would cure it hasn’t. He needs to get treatment and you need to protect yourself financially so that you’re able to return to the UK if you need to.

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